I Never Got To Say Goodbye
by Rayc Petite
Summary: Logan went missing after the infamous jump at the Life and death Brigade stunt. Everyone thought he was dead, and Rory blaimed herself. Years later Logan wakes up from a coma and returns to find Rory engaged to another man. Rogan. COMPLETE
1. Tears and Rain

**Author's Note: This is a new story. What if Logan had gone missing after he jumped off the cliff at the infamous Life and Death Brigade event? What if everyone had thought he had died? What if Rory blamed herself for his death? What if five years later Logan wakes up from a coma and comes back looking for Rory only to discover she is engaged to another man? Rogan. All of my chapters will be names of songs. I suggest you listen to the songs along with the chapter. My first chapter is entitled "Tears and Rain" by James Blunt. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls**

**Chapter 1**

**Tears and Rain**

It was a dark and gloomy Sunday. It was raining, but not to hard and it was chilly outside. The weather was perfect for today. Today was the day Rory Gilmore had been dreading for almost a week. Today was the funeral for Logan Elias Huntzberger. The only man Rory had ever truly loved and it was all her fault that he was dead. She never even got to say goodbye.

The funeral procession was gathering at the cemetery where they would bury an empty casket under his name, they never did find his body. Rory numbly took a seat next to her mother in the back of the service. She didn't listen to a word the priest was saying. She already knew what he would be saying. He would be telling everyone what a wonderful person Logan was, and how it wasn't his time to go yet. Rory already knew these things already. She didn't need to be reminded of it.

Rory hugged her body tightly. She was so cold. She surveyed the area and shook her head. Half of these people didn't even know Logan and yet they were crying. She would have been crying too, if she hadn't used all of her tears up earlier this week. She hadn't stopped crying since Colin had called her with the news that fateful night. Last night she had finally used up all of her tears, at least that's what she had thought. Tears welled up in her eyes again as she thought of him. God she missed him. The way he smelled, the way his hair felt when she ran her hands through it, and the way the corners of his mouth turned up forming his trademark smirk. The thing she missed the most was the way she felt when he held her in his arms. She had never felt safer then when he was holding her in his arms. She could still hear the rhythmic pounding of his heart against her ear.

Rory let out another sob and leaned forward. She felt nauseous. She never even got to say goodbye. The last time she had seen him she was trying to punish him. She had acted so distant. She should have stopped him from going on this obviously dangerous stunt, but instead she let him walk out. She didn't even say goodbye. She had been mad at him at the time, but since then she had forgiven him. When he came home she was going to tell him, but she never got the chance. He was dead and he wasn't coming back. Why hadn't she stopped him?

She kept replaying the scene over and over in her head. He was packing his things and she was standing seven feet away from him with her arms crossed. He had told her something, but she couldn't remember the exact words and then he left. The memory was so vivid. Rory couldn't believe that was how she was going to remember their last time together. He had died thinking that Rory had been mad at him. Why couldn't she have forgiven him a little bit sooner? Even if it meant she had only gotten to be with him for one more second. Ever since she had found out there had been a constant tugging at her heart that wouldn't go away. She had killed him, because she hadn't stopped him. This funeral, all the pain that everyone was feeling was all because of her. It was because she was trying to punish him. God, why had she been so stupid?

Rory tried to wipe away her tears, but gave up when they were replaced with fresh ones.

"It'll be okay," she heard a familiar voice say softly. Rory's head snapped up and she noticed everyone had left, everyone except for the person standing in front of her offering her his handkerchief. Rory shook her head.   
"No Colin, it won't," she said through sobs. Colin sat down beside her. Rory looked over at him weakly. He looked worn out and older. Like he was going through the same thing Rory was. "I'm sorry." Colin looked over at her surprised.

"Why are you sorry?"

"It's all my fault," she said adverting her eyes to the ground. Colin lifted her head up so her eyes were level with his.

"No it's not," he said firmly. Rory shook her head.

"Yes it is I let him go. I didn't even try to stop him. I was so cold. I just let him walk out that door without even saying goodbye," Rory rambled. The tears were coming back now, and Rory didn't even try to stop them. She was so tired; tired of crying, tired of feeling guilty, and tired of the stupid tugging feeling at her heart that just wouldn't stop. Colin shook his head.   
"It's not your fault. If it's any ones fault its mine. I knew he had had too much to drink. I knew he was feeling crappy about his relationship with you. I knew it was a bad idea for him to make that jump and yet I let him do it anyway. I let him plunge to his death without a second thought. We pushed him to do it Rory. Me and the members of the stupid Life and Death brigade killed Logan. I wouldn't be surprised if this was the end of that stupid society. It should be. We were just being stupid." Rory didn't argue with him.

Even though she knew it was her fault she also knew it was the Life and Death Brigades fault. If Logan hadn't been a part of it, then he would be here now. She would be safe in his arms, but instead she felt cold and alone and she knew that feeling wasn't going away anytime soon. After a couple minutes of silence, Colin left, leaving Rory all alone. Not that she minded. She would be alone for the rest of her life. She felt completely empty without him.

The day Logan died she died as well and just like him, she wasn't coming back. She never even got to say goodbye.

**Author's Note: Did you like it? Should I continue? Leave a review so I know what I should do? I probably won't update this too much until I'm done with my other story, but I hope you liked it. **


	2. Fall Away

**Author's Note: Wow, I got such a huge response for my first chapter. I just had to add more. I'm not quite sure how I'll take this story, because I don't have it all mapped out yet. It won't be nearly as long as my other story. That thing is getting ridiculous. I think I have like 50 chapters planned out for that one. This one will be 20 maybe 15. This is also a very short chapter, it's just for information. It's necessary. The song that reminded me of this chapter was "Fall Away," by The Fray. **

**Disclaimer: I always forget to do these, but no, I do not own Gilmore Girls. **

**Chapter Two**

**Fall Away**

One week earlier….

Logan took a quick swig of vodka from the bottle. It was nearly empty now. He couldn't believe he had nearly drunken the whole thing by himself. He deserved it though. He needed to get his mind off of his failing relationship with the woman he loved, a woman who wouldn't even look at him. Let alone kiss him goodbye. That had driven him over the edge. He couldn't stand the thought of her hating him. The very thought pained his heart. He shook his head. The reason he had drunken all the vodka was to get Rory off of his mind and even that hadn't worked. He was at the Life and Death Brigade event, the one that Rory had called stupid. Stupid? She was stupid. He looked around him and saw all the happy drunk people around him. There was a big bonfire roaring in the middle of the camp sight. Logan scoffed. He wished he was happy. He wished he was with the one he loved right now. Too bad she didn't seem to love him anymore. He staggered over to his friends, Colin and Finn, and leaned against Colin.  
"Hey guys," he slurred. Colin winced at the smell of his breath.

"How much have you had to drink man?" Colin asked. Logan held up his almost empty bottle of vodka and Colin and Finn's eyes grew wide.   
"You're drunker than I am!" Finn cried. Colin snatched the bottle out of Logan's hands and sat him down on a log.

"Logan, you need to stop this! This is a dangerous amount of alcohol!" Colin lectured. Logan laughed. Colin was a funny name. "… Just because you and Rory are having a tough time does not mean-"

"Pah!" Logan cried. "Hard time? Colin, she hates me!" Logan's voice got really low at the end and Colin's face softened. He patted his friend on the back.

"She does not hate you," he said softly. Logan brushed his hand away. He did not like having his friends see him this vulnerable.

"She does too, she doesn't love me anymore."

"The opposite of love isn't hate, it's not caring." Wow, Rory sure hadn't cared when he had left for this event. He was so glad Colin was here to make him even more miserable.

"I can't wait to do some base jumping," he said changing the subject. Colin shook his head.

"Logan, I think you should sit out for the base jumping," Colin warned. Logan scoffed.

"Fuck you Colin, I'll be fine," Logan said getting up. Colin watched as he walked away. Little did he know that that would be the last conversation he had with Logan for a while.

Hours later, Logan stood in front of cliff. He could hear the cheers from the spectators behind him He looked down and took in his surroundings. There were sharp rocks at the bottom so he had to be sure to land on them carefully. There was also water, so he had to make sure to land on land. He took a deep breath and prepared to make the jump. He felt extremely dizzy. He assumed it was because of the tall altitude or maybe it was because of all the vodka he had consumed earlier. Logan looked down again. This was exactly the kind of stunt that Rory would disapprove of. He smiled at the thought of her, but it quickly vanished. He was almost 99.9 sure that when he got home she wouldn't be there. That's one of the reasons he had agreed on going to this trip. So he wouldn't have to watch her pack up and leave him. Logan's heart was broken and it couldn't be fixed with alcohol, partying, or jumping off of cliffs. It could only be fixed by seeing her again, holding her in his arms, and kissing the hell out of her. A tear slowly crept down Logan's cheek as he realized he probably would never get to hold her ever again. He took a deep breath and stepped off the cliff. Logan's stomach lurched forward as hell fell fast. All of the blood was rushing to his head and he couldn't think straight. He fumbled around for the rip cord that was attached to his parachute, but he couldn't reach it in time. Unrelenting terror consumed his him as hell continued to fall at a faster speed. He closed his eyes and remembered Rory's beautiful eyes. They were the most perfect shade of blue. He could swim in her eyes forever. That was the last thing he remembered as he plunged into the cold water.

Panic washed over Colin's body as Logan's parachute didn't open. The people around him stood in shock as Logan disappeared. No one was drinking, no one was cheering, and no one was celebrating. Everything before this had seemed like some happy dream and this felt very, very real. Colin feel to his knees and his eyes wandered quickly down to where he had last seen Logan. He was no where to be found. Everyone else seemed to get a grip on reality and they started to scream. Girls cried, and boys headed towards their cars so they could go find him. When they finally got down to the little land strip Logan was supposed to of landed on, they found no trace of Logan. After hours of looking for his body, the group finally realized that he was gone. Colin did the first thing he could think of. He flipped open his cell phone and dialed the number.

"Hello?" He heard a familiar voice say on the other end.

"Rory!" Colin cried in panic, "Logan's dead." There was no response on the end and Colin's heart raced at the silence. "Rory?" The phone went dead and Colin collapsed on the ground. How could he of let this happen? He was supposed to have Logan's back and he had just watched him plunge to his death. He had cheered him on actually. He knew he was unstable and that jump was a bad idea, but he let him jump anyway. Just for pure entertainment….


	3. Heart of Life

**Author's Note: I have not updated this story in a while and I have been meaning to. Thank you for the reviews, I did not expect such a big response from this story after only two chapters. I think I'm going to make this have a brief Grey's Anatomy cross over for a few chapters. Forgive me if this isn't the protocol they would follow in the hospital situation, but its how I'm saying it goes so pretend!!! This chapter is really short, but I will have the next chapter up really soon. This chapter is just an informational chapter. Enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: Own Gilmore Girls I do not.**

**Chapter 3**

**The Heart of Life**

Logan's eyes pried open. He looked up and saw endless blue skies stretching above him. He in hailed quickly and some salty water seeped into his mouth. He choked and realized he was in water. He tried to move, but was met with searing pain that over powered his entire body. He started to sink and started kicking his legs madly to stay afloat. He painfully maneuvered himself on his back so he could float. How did he end up like this? His arm brushed against something and he realized he was wearing a parachute.

The memories from earlier flashed in his mind; the party, the booze, the jump. He closed his eyes and tried to relieve himself of his throbbing head ache. No such luck. He realized that these were the last moments of his life and instead of having his life flashing before his eyes all he could think about were those dazzling blue eyes that used to comfort him. Now all he could see was sadness and disappointment in them when she had found out about what he had done over Thanksgiving break. He felt horrible that he was never going to be able to make it up to her.

The last time he had seen her she had been so cold to him. He could remember nothing more then the sadness and disappointment in her eyes, no matter how hard he tried to bring back memories from the past. His reckless behavior had led to his demise in his relationship and now in his life. Karma's a bitch. The last thing Logan remembered were those icy blue eyes judging him for how he had ended his life; how he had made his life. He had tried to be a good boyfriend, but it seemed that he couldn't even commit to that.

Logan lay in a hospital bed in San Jose, Costa Rica. He was hooked up to an IV and doctors were evaluating his condition around him. A male doctor with dark brown scruffy hair sighed and put down his clip board.

"Well I would say he's comatose," the scruffy male doctor said. Another male doctor with dark skin shook his head.

"I agree, where did they find him again?" The dark skinned doctor asked.

"He washed up on shore. He was already out of it by the time they found him."

"What the hell could have caused these injuries?"

"Seems like he fell, or something like that."

"That's a bold conclusion."

"I'm just guessing because he was wearing a parachute pack."

"Was it opened?" The dark skinned doctor asked interested. The scruffy doctor shook his head.

"It was never activated."

"Base jumping?"

"I'm assuming." The dark skinned doctor shook his head.

"Kids are idiots. Did he have any ID?" The scruffy doctor sighed and flipped open his clip board once more.

"No, no ID. Poor son of a bitch." The scruffy doctor turned around and headed out the door.

"Where are you going?" The dark skinned doctor asked. The scruffy doctor turned around.

"Well we can't really do anything can we?"

"Why?"

"Because we don't know who this guy is! He could have no insurance, we don't know if we should resuscitate him or anything!"

"Dr. Shepherd, we can't just leave him here!" The dark skinned doctor cried.

"Burke, we have no choice!" Dr. Shepherd walked towards the door, when it opened in front of him. A stout angry looking woman entered the room with a scowl on her face and her hands on her hips.

"Dr. Bailey!" Dr. Burke cried, placing Logan's chart back where he had found it.

"What are you two doing with my patient?" Dr. Bailey cried. Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Burke exchanged nervous glances.

"Sorry Miranda, we-" Dr. Shepherd started. Dr. Bailey held up her hand, signaling for him to stop.

"It's Dr. Bailey to you and what are you two doing with my patient?"

"We just wanted to give our recommendations for his treatment," Dr. Shepherd said quickly. Dr. Bailey shook her head.

"I don't need your recommendations, I've had plenty of people come in and tell me what I should do with my patient. You know what? We are going to treat him. He didn't know he was going to be in this accident, it's not his fault he doesn't have ID. Now if you'll excuse me I have to take this patient for his surgery on his collapsed lung." Dr. Bailey grabbed the edges of Logan's roll away bed and pushed him out the door past the two baffled looking doctors. When she was out of sight Dr. Shepherd turned to Dr. Burke.

"Can she do that?" He asked. Dr. Burke smiled.

"I believe she just did." Dr. Burke left the room leaving Dr. Shepherd in the room alone.

"I didn't know she could do that." Dr. Shepherd followed Dr. Burke out of the room scratching his head in the interim.


	4. In Repair

**Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls**

**Chapter 4**

**In Repair**

Rory strategically brushed her hair into her face. She clenched her eyes shut and wrapped her fluffy white pillow around her head to block out the pounding sound erupting from her door. The pounding only got louder so Rory threw her pillow at the door in frustration.

"Go away!" She bellowed in a shallow voice. She lay back down on the bed and brought her knees up to her chest. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She didn't want to think about anything she just wanted to sit there in the darkness of her childhood room and stew. She wanted to pretend the past year and a half didn't happen. She wanted to pretend there never was a Logan.

"Rory open up, it's been two days!" Her mother cried from the other side of the door. Rory sighed and shook her head. She knew how long it had been.

The pounding on the door persisted so she swung her legs over the bed and reluctantly got up. She stretched her arms over her head and got used to standing. She had been in that position on her bed for two days now, ever since she came back from Logan's funeral. Her mother had seemed to be smart enough to know she did not want company, but after two days she must have been getting worried. Rory made her way to the door, unlocked in and flung it open.

Her mother had been in mid pound and was surprised when Rory opened the door. She smiled briefly, but it faded when she saw the state her daughter was in. Her hair was in total disarray, her eyes were puffy from crying, and she was wearing pajama pants with a plain white tee-shirt. She was a mess.

"Hey," Lorelai said sweetly, "how are you?" Rory rolled her eyes and made her way back over to her bed. She flopped onto her twin sized bed and turned away from her mother. Lorelai's heart broke at the sight. Her once strong, brainy, and independent daughter was now completely devastated. She had no idea what to say or what to do for her.

Lorelai sat down next to her daughter and gently stroked her hair. Rory slapped her hand away and continued pouting. Lorelai sighed.

"Rory honey," she said quietly, "Do you want to wallow?" Rory sat up and stared at her mother with fierce eyes. Lorelai was taken aback by her reaction. She only wanted to help.

"No I do not want to wallow," Rory said sharply. Lorelai sighed and brought her hand up to brush the hair out of Rory's face. Rory pushed Lorelai's hand away. Lorelai's heart fell a second time.

"Oh honey, please let's just go rent some sad movies, get some junk food, and-" Rory jumped up from her bed and faced Lorelai. Anger was evident in her eyes.

"Mom shut up! I do not want to wallow! Wallowing is not going to help in this situation! I'm not getting over a pathetic breakup like you always have to do. I'm trying to get over the death of the love of my life. You have no idea what I'm going through. Please just stop!" Rory sat down on the floor and brought her knees up to her chest. She rested her head on her knees. She was rocking back and forth and was sobbing quietly. Lorelai shook her head at the sight of her daughter. She was so helpless.

"Rory," Lorelai said quietly, "this isn't healthy." Rory shook her head and looked up at her mother briefly.

"It doesn't have to be," she mumbled. Lorelai sighed and realized nothing she said could help her. Rory was right. She had no idea what her daughter was going through. After a few minutes, Lorelai got up and made her way to the door. She looked back and saw Rory crawl back into bed. She shook her head and hoped her daughter would come to terms with it soon. How long did it take for a girl to get over her dead boyfriend?

Colin sat in his and Finn's apartment and stared at the ground. What was he going to do? Logan had had so many plans and he had screwed them up so badly. This death was his fault. He needed to make things right. He had an idea of what he wanted to do in the back of his mind, but it seemed crazy so he kept trying to think of other possibilities. He closed his eyes and waited for the brilliant plans to unfold, but so far he had nothing. He was never good at the idea part. That was always Logan's job. He was always the one who would plan the things. He opened his eyes and saw Finn standing in the doorway with a bag of groceries. He saw Finn roll his eyes at him.

"You have got to let this go Colin," Finn sighed, placing the groceries on the counter. Colin blinked. He couldn't believe his friend was being so insensitive. Colin stood up and stood in front on Finn. Finn took a carrot out of one of the grocery bags and started munching on it. Colin shook his head at his friend.

"What do you mean Finn? Our best friend is dead and it's all our fault!" Colin cried. Finn took a bite out of the carrot and shook his head.

"Colin you have got to get off that."

"What do you mean?" Finn slammed the carrot down on the counter and turned to look at Colin.

"Colin!" Finn cried. "We did not kill Logan!" Colin's face fell.

"We might of well as!" Colin screamed. Finn scowled.

"Stop saying that! It was an accident! Accidents happen!"

"This one could have been prevented."

"Plenty of accidents could have been prevented!"  
"Yeah exactly!" Finn shook his head.

"You're not making any sense!"

"Yeah, well I don't have to!" Colin cried. Finn sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"I'm not going to sit here and have you make me feel guilty about Logan's death." Finn said quietly. Colin sighed and grabbed his coat from the closet.

"Well maybe you should feel guilty," Colin said quietly. Finn shook his head.

"Where are you going?" Colin stared at him.

"Making things right." Colin slipped his jacket on and left the apartment leaving a confused Finn.

"Yeah," Finn said to no one in particular, "How are you going to do that?" Finn looked around his empty apartment and sat down on the couch. He flipped open a magazine and tried to read it, but all he could think about was Colin and what he had said. What was he going to do exactly? Finn shook his head. No matter what Colin did it could not rectify Logan's death. It made Finn furious when Colin blamed himself for Logan's death. It tainted Logan's life. If Logan had to go, at least he went in style. Finn shook his head of those thoughts. It didn't matter how Logan went, it was not time for him to go yet.

---

Lorelai sat in her tiny kitchen, nursing a cup of coffee from a purple mug. She was staring at a wall not blinking. She was thinking about her poor daughter when a knock at the door tore her away from her thoughts. She thought she had hallucinated the knock so she didn't do anything. She heard the knock again and got up from her chair. She made her way to the door and opened it slowly. In front of her stood a frantic twenty or something boy, who Lorelai recognized as one of Logan's friends. He was breathing loudly and it was making Lorelai worried. She hid partly behind the door and peaked out at him fearfully.

"Um.." she said quietly, "May I help you?" The boy nodded slowly and swallowed.

"Is uh, is Rory here?" He asked. Lorelai nodded. What did he want with Rory?

"Yeah, but she's not taking visitors." Lorelai tried to shut the door on him but he stopped her.

"I need to talk to her," the boy said urgently. Lorelai became frightened and tried to shut the door again, but he was too strong.

"Like I said," Lorelai said strongly. "She's not taking visitors!" The boy brushed past her and made his way into her kitchen. Lorelai stood in awe. This was her house! What was that boy doing? She followed the boy into the kitchen. He was looking around wildly. "Look, I don't know what you're doing but-"

"Where's Rory?" He asked quickly. Lorelai sighed in frustration. This guy didn't get it.

"In her room, but you-" He brushed past her again and found the door to Rory's room. He had his hand on the door knob. Lorelai shook her head angrily.

"You need to leave," she said sternly. The boy shook his head as well.

"Not until I make things right!" The boy cried. Lorelai tried to stop him but he pushed past her. Lorelai stood in the door frame, shocked, as the boy tapped Rory on the shoulder. Rory sat up wearily and have Colin a quizzical look.

"Colin wha-" Colin stopped her and bent down on one knee. He took a ring box out of his jacket pocket and opened it presenting it to Rory. Rory's mouth hung open and she looked astonished. Lorelai's brain couldn't completely register what was going on. She was speechless, just like Rory seemed to be.

Colin took a deep breath.

"Rory Gilmore," he started feebly, "I took something away from you. I took away the love of your life and nothing I can do with make up for that. I can however do something I knew Logan was going to do eventually." He paused for a moment to regain his composure. He looked back up at her and beamed. Lorelai shut her eyes and prayed that Rory would not fall for his charade. She prayed that Rory said no. "Rory Gilmore will you marry me?"

**Author's Note: Moohaha, I love cliffhangers. If you give me lots and lots of reviews I'll put up the next chapter very, very soon. I want at least 15 please!!! **


	5. Our Way to Fall

**Author's Note: Hahahahah, you guys are like shocked about the Colin proposing thing. I have more to say about it in my author's note at the bottom… But until then, here is the next installment. **

**Oh wait, I've finally finished typing up my other story 'Out of the Ordinary,' so I should be updating this more frequently.**

**Flash backs are in italics!**

**Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls, I do not own.**

**Chapter 5**

**Our Way to Fall**

Rory stared at Colin with both curiosity and confusion. Finally her brain registered exactly what he was saying and she snapped. She leaned forward and slapped him across the face. Anger was welling up inside of her and she could no longer contain herself. Colin looked up at her in shock.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Rory shrieked. Colin looked down at the ground and shut the ring box. He pocketed it again and stood up. Rory looked up at him from her bed. Rage was obvious in her eyes. "Was this supposed to be funny, another one of your stupid Life and Death Brigade stunts?" Colin shook his head.

"No, I-." Rory held up her hand signaling for him to stop.

"Did you seriously think that this would help?"

"Well, kind of…" Rory shook her head, tears were forming again. She rubbed her eyes for the millionth time. It was starting to sting now.

"Well congratulations," Rory said sarcastically. She got up and headed for the door. "You made it worse." She ran out of the room past her mother and locked herself in the bathroom. A few seconds later she heard her mother banging on the door, asking her to open up. Rory didn't care. She wanted to be left alone. No matter how much anybody tried to make her feel better, it only made things worse. She blocked out all sounds and lay down on the cold tiled floor. She stretched out and pressed her cheek to the ground. Being there brought back so many memories…

_She waited patiently at the door. Her mind was racing with all the things she had planned to say to him. This was it; she was going to end their non existent relationship. Logan hadn't called her in over a week and she had just spent the night on the floor of her mother's bathroom crying about it. She didn't want to be that girl, the girl who cried on the floor of her mother's bathroom because of her boyfriend, or whatever you wanted to call him._

_Finally the door swung open. He stared at her in confusion, obviously unaware of why she was standing in his doorway looking the way she did. She knew she looked like a mess, but she didn't care. She needed to get this out of the way. She needed to break this off_

_"Well this is a surprise," he said nicely. Boy, this was going to be harder than she thought._

_"Can I come in?" She asked sweetly. He nodded and moved out of the way so she could enter. _

_"Sure," he motioned towards his couch, "You want to sit down?" Rory sighed. _

_"Nope," she said casually, looking down at the ground. "Got to stay vertical." She looked up and noticed that he was staring at her like she was crazy. "What?" She asked impatiently. _

_"You have, like," Logan said skeptically, still staring at her, "an octagon imprinted on your forehead." Rory touched her forehead self-consciously, remembering where she had spent the night. She sighed and looked at Logan. She couldn't stall, she had to be blunt._

_"I can't do this anymore Logan," she said quickly. He gave her a puzzled look and closed the door. _

_"Do what?" He asked densely. Rory sighed. He was so cute when he was clueless. _

_"This casual dating thing, I don't like it. It's not who I am and I don't want to make it who I am." It was true, she hated herself lately. She was turning into exactly the kind of girl she hated, the girl who waited by her phone for her 'boyfriend' to call. She hadn't felt this helpless in a relationship since she was going out with Jess and he would never call her. _

_Logan was still staring at her like he couldn't believe what she was saying._

_"Whoa, hold on here," he said quickly, "where's this coming from?" Rory stuffed her hands into her pockets._

_"It's coming from me. The ravishing creature standing in front of you," she said sarcastically, trying to avoid an argument with him. Her head was still pounding from the head ache she had received from her activities yesterday. _

_"We talked about this," he said in a serious tone. Rory suddenly felt bad, because she could see the hurt and confusion in his eyes. _

_"I know," she said shamefully. _

_"I didn't make you do this." Rory scoffed. She knew that, she had wanted this just as much as he did. She had tried to be casual. But she and casual didn't mesh. She couldn't continue pretending._

_"I know, I'm not accusing you of anything. This isn't your fault." Maybe he was going to take this well, maybe this was it. They wouldn't have to have an awkward screaming match that would ruin any chances of them being friends. _

_"I don't understand I thought everything was going so well," he said sharply. Rory sighed, so much for a clean break. She looked up at him and realized he was waiting for an explanation. _

_"What are you talking about I haven't heard from you in a week," she pointed out. Logan immediately jumped into defense mode._

_"I was busy, I had some friends in town, and –" Rory put her hand up to stop him. She didn't want him to explain himself, that's not why she was here. _

_"You know what? It doesn't matter. You're not my boyfriend, you don't owe me any explanations" she said, she looked up at him and saw his face fall. She sighed. "I just… Don't want to be one of the many anymore." She turned towards the door but Logan stopped her._

_"Oh, Rory, come on!" He cried. Rory shook her head, he didn't understand. A door in Logan's apartment opened and his roommate Lanny walked out carrying a phone. _

_"Hey, Logan, Cassandra's on the phone," Lanny said. _

_"Take a message," Logan demanded quietly, not taking his eyes off Rory. Lanny obviously didn't get the hint, because he remained routed to his spot._

_"She's got a great accent, where she from?" Lanny asked smoothly. Logan shot him a look that would kill. _

_"Lanny! Message!" Logan cried angrily. Lanny held up his hands in mock surrender and backed back into his room. _

_"Fine, relax man, geeze!" Lanny shut the door and Logan turned back to Rory. He looked exasperated. _

_"Go call Cassandra back. We're done here," Rory commanded. Logan held his arms out in confusion._

_"How are we done here?" He demanded._

_"I said everything I have to say," she said avoiding eye contact._

_"Which is what?" Logan asked in frustration. She sighed. He was purposely being difficult. Rory had had enough. All she wanted to do was go back to her dorm and sleep. She fumbled around trying to find her words._

_"I'm a girlfriend girl, Logan. I have boyfriends, not escorts."_

_"Ah," Logan said. He started pacing, which was making Rory very nervous. She watched him intently. _

_"I thought I could be different, but I can't. I'm sorry. Maybe we can just go back to being friends again," Rory proposed. It was an empty proposition. Rory knew they could never go back to being friends, if they were ever that in the first place. Logan's pacing pace quickened. He threw out his arms in frustration._

_"Or maybe we can become boyfriend and girlfriend, right?" Logan asked angrily. Rory was taken aback by his accusation. _

_"What?"_

_"I get it, I get what you're doing!" Logan cried. Rory took a step back. He wasn't making any sense. _

_"I'm not doing anything!" Rory cried. He was getting the wrong idea. _

_"That's not what I heard!" Rory cringed. He was acting like a child. She thought he would have taken it better than this._

_"Hey, if that's what you want then just come out and say it. But you _

_coming in here and issuing an ultimatum-."_

_"I am not issuing an ultimatum!" Rory cried defensively. She didn't know how to make it any clearer to him. _

_"I said lets be friends!" Rory cried. Logan rolled his eyes._

_"That's not what you meant!" Rory stomped her foot in frustration. She felt like she was talking to a ten year old, not a twenty one year old._

_ "I need a taco," she whined. He stopped pacing and his face softened. He walked over to her and touched her arm slightly. It sent shivers up her spine. He stared into her eyes, the way that scared the hell out of her. _

_"Okay fine I'll do it," he said quietly. Rory was pulled out of her daze by his words._

_"Do what?" She asked. _

_"I'll be your boyfriend!" He cried like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Rory shook her head._

_"You can't be my boyfriend!" She cried sharply. She saw his face fell and immediately regretted her tone. _

_"Why not?" He asked desperately. _

_"Because," Rory said softening her tone, "you said you can't be my boyfriend…" _

_"If I say I can, then I can," he said defensively. Rory stomped her foot again._

_"You have a hundred girls on speed dial," Rory listed. "You keep a second bathrobe in your closet for over night guests."_

_"That's beside the point," Logan said interrupting her rant. "You came here to say you were unhappy with the situation, right?"_

_"Right…" Rory said unsure of where he was going with this._

_"Fine, I've rectified the situation. Problem solved," Logan said matter of factly. Rory sighed. She was at a lost for words. He was talking her into a corner that she couldn't get out of. Damn him and his infinite charm. _

_"No problem not solved!" _

_"Hey if I say I can do this, I can do this!" Logan cried. Rory opened her mouth to speak, but there was a knock on the door. Logan turned to open it, pausing before turning the handle. An attractive tall girl entered, leaning on the doorframe, smiling smugly. Logan rolled his eyes at her appearance. _

_"Hey Logan," she said seductively, "Thought maybe you could buy me some lunch." Rory rolled her eyes at how sad this girl was being. She was throwing herself at him with no shame. Rory could swear she saw her licking her lips. _

_"Oh geeze," Logan said exasperated. The tall attractive turned her gaze to Rory briefly. She gave her a nasty look. Rory sighed and held up her index finger, indicating that she needed a moment._

_"I'm sorry. Could you excuse us for a second? We're almost done here." The tall girl plastered a fake smile on her face and nodded at Logan. _

_"Sure, I'll just wait out here," she said motioning to the hall. She left the doorway and Logan shut the door on her. He turned to Rory who was wearing an I-told-you-so grin. _

_"So the Swedish flight attendant should be here any minute," Rory said sarcastically referring to the lead male character in 'Down with Love' Catcher Block. Logan sighed._

_"I swear this situation has never happened to me before in my life!" Logan claimed. Rory sighed. She was sick of having this conversation, she was sick of arguing with him, and she was sick of Logan giving her empty promises._

_"Logan-." Rory whined. _

_"Rory!" Logan cried to stop her from going on another rant. He lowered his voice to almost a whisper. He walked up closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Do you really want to stop seeing me?" He asked huskily. Rory sighed and looked away from him. _

_"No, but I can't-" Logan stopped her. _

_"'Cause I don't want to stop seeing you."_

_"Okay but-." He stopped her again. She stamped her foot in frustration. She hated how he never let her get a word in edgewise, she hated how everything he was saying seemed to make sense, and she hated how he seemed to always say the right thing at the right minute. _

_"So then just except what I'm saying. I like trying new things. It's new it's different, but I can do it." _

_"Are you sure?" Rory asked skeptically. Logan rolled his eyes and pulled her in for a kiss. Rory pushed him away slightly, she wasn't done talking about this. "Well I know you can do that, but-" Logan grabbed her again and forcefully pressed his lips against hers. She melted slightly into his kiss, before she remembered why he was kissing her. "I really… want to believe you…" _

_"Then believe me. We're starting fresh right now, new beginning." Rory made a mini pro-con list in her head and finally gave in. She nodded. "So you want to go grab some lunch, we'll hammer out the details."_

_"I should probably go change first…" _

_"Go home, change. I'll pick you up in a half and hour." Rory smiled brightly._

_"Okay," she said giddily. Logan laughed, leaned in, and kissed her softly. He broke apart from her and smiled._

_"See how good this is going so far? I think I'm going to be an excellent boyfriend," he said in a cocky tone. Rory smiled._

_"I agree… So do you want to tell her or should I?" She said referring to the attractive tall girl currently waiting for him in the hall. Logan smiled and turned around towards the door. He had his hand on the doorknob and turned around. _

_"Oh crap. I'll be right back!" He rushed out the door to tell the girl the bad news. Rory smiled to herself. This had not been what she had expected when she had arrived here. She had been expecting to end something that wasn't right, not start something completely wonderful. She sighed and looked around her boyfriend's apartment, pleased with herself. Her boyfriend… _

Tears spilled out of her eyes and on to the cold bathroom floor as she remembered the memory. She had been so happy, a feeling that felt so foreign to her now… Now she didn't know if she'd ever feel that way again. Her eyelids grew heavy and she closed them obediently. Soon she drifted off to sleep.

---

Lorelai glared at the mousy haired boy in her daughter's room. He was staring straight ahead, obviously shocked. Lorelai walked towards him and pointed to the door.

"Go!" She commanded. The boy lowered his head and walked out of the room. A minute later Lorelai heard the front door slam. She flinched at the sound and turned around to face the door to her daughter's room. She walked out briskly and headed towards the bathroom. She pounded on the door.

"Rory!" She cried. There was no answer. She pounded on the door again. There was still no answer. She started frantically banging on the door, constantly calling her daughter's name in vein. After a few minutes, her hands grew sore, so she stopped. She collapsed against the door, and panted. She couldn't sit in this house anymore. Watching her daughter in this much pain was killing her. She was no help to her anyway. Rory needed to get through this on her own. Nothing she could say would make a difference.

She grabbed her coat from the hall closet and walked out the front door. She quickly walked down the stoop steps and looked around trying to figure out where she was going to go. She sighed and decided to head over to Luke's.

She approached Luke's diner and opened the door. The little bell at the top ringed, signaling her entranced. Luke looked up from the counter he was wiping and smiled at her. She frowned back at him and sat down at the counter. Luke continued to wipe down the counter, even though Lorelai was the only one in the diner. Lorelai sighed.

"Can I have some coffee?" She asked quietly. Luke shook his head.

"That stuff is going to kill you." Lorelai sighed and looked down at the counter.

"At this moment I don't really care." Luke looked at Lorelai with worry. He had never seen her this mellow.

"Something wrong?" Lorelai shook her head.

"You know what's wrong." Luke nodded.

"She's still miserable?"

"Of course she is. She just lost her boyfriend. She was in love with him."

"That's got to be ruff."

"It's more than ruff, it's horrible. I've never seen her like this and I've never gone through this so I have no idea what to say to her. I want to help her Luke, but I don't know how!" She was starting to get frantic now. "I see her changing before my eyes and I can't stop it. She's killing herself over this Luke. She's killing herself over his death, because she blames herself, no matter how many times we tell her it isn't her fault. She's slipping and I can't help her up because I don't know where she is. I don't know how to help her up!" She stopped ranting and stared up at him hoping for answers. Luke was speechless. He knew that she knew that he didn't know how to help Rory as much as she did. But at that moment he had never seen his fiancée so raw, so helpless. He felt his heart get heavy and he sighed. All he wanted to do was to cheer her up. He took a deep breath and adverted his eyes to the table.

"June third would be fine," he said nonchalantly. Lorelai looked up at him in a daze. She wiped her tears and smiled.

"Really?" She asked hopefully. Luke nodded and smiled slightly at her.

"Really."

---

Lorelai entered her house and felt like she was on cloud nine. Even though she knew her daughter was in horrible shape she couldn't help but feel happy that she had finally fixed her relationship with Luke. She cringed at how selfish that sounded. She walked over to the bathroom and tapped on the door softly

"Rory?" She said softly.

Rory was brought out of her deep sleep by the sound of someone rapping on the door softly and calling her name. She lifted her head and looked around the room with wide eyes. She suddenly remembered why she was sleeping on the bathroom floor and frowned. She heard her mom call her name again so she leaned forward and unlocked the door. Her mom unlocked the door and Rory sat on her knees. She looked up and her mother emotionlessly and frowned.

"I'm not… Going back to Yale," she said simply. Lorelai's heart fell at her words and she frowned. All the happiness she had felt before rushed out of her body at her daughter's words. She felt both angry and sad. Sad that Rory had to go through this, alone. Lorelai looked down at the ground and nodded. She didn't want to fight about this. She knew she wouldn't be able to change her mind. She didn't want her daughter to leave her again. Rory needed to be around people who loved her if she had any chance of recovering from this Logan thing. Rory stared at her expecting her to say something, but the only thing she could do was shut the door in Rory's sad face and walk away. There was nothing she could do here.

Rory sat emotionless on the bathroom floor. She sprawled down on the cool ground again and felt emptiness consume her once more. The only thing she felt was cold…

**Author's Note: Okay, time for those reviews!!!!!!! I only put the whole Colin proposing thing in because someone predicted it in my reviews. When I read it, and evil thought entered my brain and I incorporated it into my story! REVIEW!!!!!!!!**


	6. Something's Missing

**Author's Note: I really liked writing the flashback last chapter. I think I will do it again! By the way, some of you are really eager for Logan's return, but that isn't going to happen for a couple more chapters. This story is mostly about Rory. However, when Logan does return you won't be disappointed. **

**2d Author's Note: I'm editing this chapter because someone sent me an email suggesting I get a beta. I don't want a beta! I don't think there are that many mistakes in here. I went through the chapter after I got the email and looked for mistakes I found 4 spelling mistakes and one sentence structure mistake. I'm so sorry if those mistakes made it impossible for you to comprehend the chapter. I will never ever again forget to put the Y on the end of party, so sorry. I would comment this person back and ask them what else I did wrong, but they didn't leave an email address and it was a private comment (coward.) Just kidding… Anyway, here is the revised chapter. I'm just not getting a beta, I always type at three in the morning so sometimes the spelling of 4 words gets messed up in my 2,692 word chapter. If I get a beta, my chapters would come out slower. I just don't have that kind of patience. But if you guys point out mistakes, I will rectify them. I am currently editing all my chapters of 'Out of the Ordinary.' So, what ever, enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own it…**

**Chapter 6**

**Something's Missing**

One year later…

---

Lorelai slowly tapped on the door of her daughter's bedroom. There was no response. Lorelai sighed and entered quietly. She looked around the room and tiptoed through the mess that lay on the floor.

"Rory?" Lorelai called. She heard a rustling sound coming from inside Rory's closet. Finally Rory poked her head outside the closet.

"Yeah mom?" She asked. Lorelai smiled.

"Hey, are you almost ready to go?" Lorelai asked sweetly. Rory nodded.

"Yeah, I just have to find my other earring." Rory walked out of her closet and almost tripped over some of the junk that had formed on her floor over the past year. Lorelai sighed. Her daughter was not the same person she had been over a year ago. Rory got down on her hands and knees and started searching under her bed for her awol earring.

"Hey, how about you actually clean this room of yours?" Lorelai asked in a kidding tone. Rory feigned a laugh and got up from under her bed.

"Uh, maybe later… I found it," she said dully, holding up an earring. Lorelai smiled.

"Oh, that's good."

"Yeah." Rory walked over to her mirror and put on her earring. She nodded at herself in approval.

"So," Lorelai said walking over to her, "Are you emotionally prepared for an Emily Gilmore party?" Rory nodded solemnly and picked up a near by purse that would match her simple black cocktail dress she was currently wearing. Lorelai looked down at what she was wearing. She was wearing a teal cocktail dress. She sat down on Rory's bed. "You know there are other colors besides black or shades of black…" Lorelai pointed out. Rory ignored her and walked out of her room. Lorelai sighed and followed her. This definitely wasn't the same person she had raised. She was like a pod person version.

Over the past year Rory had seemed distant and distracted. She was on a path to no where. The whole Logan thing had derailed her. And Lorelai had no idea how to put her daughter back on track. Her eyes, that used to sparkle with excitement and enthusiasm, now seemed dull and empty. There was no life in them at all. That scared Lorelai, knowing that Rory was unfixable.

Like she had said, Rory dropped out of Yale. She had also stopped writing all together, along with reading in general. She no longer mocked, ate junk food, or spat out witty banter. There was something missing from Rory. Something lost, but was a very vital component in her personality. Lorelai missed that component.

---

They arrived at the Gilmore mansion a half an hour later and stood before the archway to the front door. Rory was looking straight ahead and Lorelai sighed. Lorelai looked over at Rory and grinned madly, a memory sparkling in her mind.

"So, do we go in or do we just stand here reenacting The Little Match Girl?" Lorelai asked playfully. Rory didn't even look at her. She just reached out in front of her and rang the doorbell like a robot. Lorelai frowned at her failed attempt to rekindle their witty banter. "I guess we're going in…" She said distantly.

A minute later a nervous looking maid with a bun placed on the top of her head answered the door.

"Lorelai and Rory Gilmore," Lorelai said to the maid. The maid smiled weakly and moved aside so they could enter. Lorelai looked around her and frowned. The room was filled with Hartford socialites. They all looked the same. She couldn't identify a single one of them if her life depended on it. She turned around and she and Rory handed the maid their coats. The maid walked away. Lorelai assumed she was putting the coats in the hallway closet.

They hadn't even been at the party for three minutes before Emily approached them. She was wearing her cheesy socialite smile. Lorelai rolled her eyes at her mother's fakeness and prepared herself for an Emily Gilmore conversation.

"Loreali," Emily cried cheerfully. She turned to Rory and her strained smile grew wider, if that was even possible. "Rory." Rory nodded in her direction and smiled weakly. The smiled soon faded and Emily rested her hand on the small of Rory's back. She turned to Lorelai. "Lorelai, you don't mind if I borrow Rory for a minute do you?" Emily asked in her fake tone. Lorelai shrugged.

"As long as you replace her with a drink," Lorelai said sarcastically. Emily's smiled faded for a moment, but was quickly revived.

"Oh of course, come along Rory," she said ushering Rory across the room. Lorelai raised her eyebrows. Emily Gilmore was up to something. That had almost been a pleasant conversation. She made her way over to the bar and sat down on a stool. She turned to the bartender and smiled slyly.

"Gin Martini," she said sweetly. The bartended nodded and walked away to prepare her drink. Lorelai turned around in her chair and surveyed the room for her daughter and Emily. She quickly found them. Emily was introducing Rory to a group of people. They consisted of an older woman, an older man, and a boy around Rory's age. Lorelai assumed they were a family of some sort. Lorelai turned around in her seat just as the bartended was delivering her drink. She smiled at him again.

"You and I are going to be very good friends tonight," she said sarcastically. The bartended pretended to tip his nonexistent hat and walked away to serve other customers. Lorelai turned around again in her seat, this time with a martini in hand. She took a quick sip and scanned the room for Rory again. She found her again, this time Emily was introducing her to a different group of people. The group also consisted of a mother, a father, and boy around Rory's age. Lorelai raised her eyebrows in suspicion and took a sip of her drink again.

After the proper greetings were exchanged, Emily moved Rory over to another group. Again the group contained a mother, a father, and a boy. Lorelai nearly spit out her drink as realization took over her body. She didn't. Her mother could not be that stupid as to do such a thing. Or could she? Lorelai sat her drink back on the bar and quickly made her way over to her mother. She came up from behind her and placed her hands on Emily's shoulders. Emily turned around and looked at her in surprise. Lorelai looked at the family Rory was being introduced to and used her own socialite smile.

"Excuse me, but you I borrow my mother for a moment?" Lorelai asked sweetly. Emily tensed under Lorelai's grip, but Lorelai continued to smile at the family. The woman of the group smiled back.

"Of course you can Lorelai." Lorelai was surprised that this woman knew her name. "We were just getting to know your daughter here." Lorelai nodded.

"Well I'm sure she can entertain you, she's quite talkative." Rory shot her a nasty look and Lorelai glared back at her. She squeezed her mother's shoulders signaling that she wanted her to move. Emily shook Lorelai's hand off of her shoulder and Lorelai led her to her father's study. She closed the door behind them. She turned to her mother and frowned. Emily glared at her.

"What do you want Lorelai?" Emily asked in a sharp tone. Lorelai shook her head.

"You can't do this mom," Lorelai said firmly. Emily placed her hands on her hips and pursed her lips.

"What are you talking about?" Lorelai rolled her eyes.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about mom."

"I honestly don't."

"This party mom, it's for Rory."

"No it's not," Emily said. The edges of her lips were curling up into an evil grin. "This is a party for Yale alumni." Lorelai sighed and began to pace the room.

"No mom, this is another Yale male party!" Lorelai cried. Emily frowned again and folded her arms across her chest.

"So what if it is?"

"Mom, you can't do this to Rory! She's not ready!" Emily scoffed.

"And when is she going to be ready Lorelai?" Lorelai bit her lip, unsure of how to respond. "It's been a year. It's time for her to move on. I know that may sound harsh but it's the truth! She's not the same girl Lorelai! Everyone can see it. Logan died and she became this totally different person. And I don't know about you, but I'm not just going to sit here and watch my only granddaughter disappear before my eyes."

Emily stormed out of the office. Lorelai flinched as she slammed the door. Silent tears started rolling down her cheeks. Her daughter was disappearing and there was nothing they could do. She hugged herself tightly and sat down in her father's chair. Minutes later she heard the door to the office open, but she didn't look up.

"Go away," she commanded softly. She heard the door shut and moments later she felt someone's hand on her shoulder. She looked up at her father. He was frowning and looked exhausted. Lorelai smiled weakly.

"Hey dad," she sniffled. Richard sighed.

"Hello Lorelai," he said solemnly in his baritone voice. Tears started rolling down her face again and Richard pulled up a seat next to her. They fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Richard looked over at her with weary eyes.

"I miss my Rory," he said quietly. Lorelai smiled slightly.

"I do too," she said, choking on her words. Richard patted her knee and frowned.

---

Rory frowned as she watched her mother drag her grandmother away. She was probably going to scold her for setting up this whole 'Male Yale' party again. She scoffed silently. Her mother obviously thought she hadn't noticed. It offended her how little her mother thought of her. She turned back to the family she was talking to and smiled slightly.

"Um," she stammered motioning to the other side of the room. "It was nice to meet you, but I have to go." She lied to the family. They nodded and said something, but Rory's brain didn't register it. It had been doing that a lot lately.

Rory walked over to the buffet table and picked something up to eat. She tried it, made a face, and placed it back where she had found it. She turned around and noticed that someone was standing right next to her. He was tall, had dark brown slicked back hair, and looked like he was in his early thirties. He smiled cockily at her.

"James Polkit," he said sticking his hand out for her to shake. Rory smiled shyly at him and shook his hand.

"Rory Gilmore," she mumbled. James stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"Oh so you're Emily and Richard's granddaughter," he said casually. Rory felt his eyes linger on her body. Rory nodded.

"That would be me," she said awkwardly. He was checking her out. Oh god, he was a potential socialite husband. The thought sickened her. At this moment she really could have used a certain blonde boy to ward this guy off. Unfortunately, he wasn't here. Her mind wandered to years ago, at the original 'Yale Male' party.

---

Rory was standing on her Grandparent's patio, feeling awkward wearing a tiara and other expensive jewelry. Her Grandparents had tricked her into coming tonight. She knew that. But she couldn't help but feel like she was on display with all the boys that were staring at her. She was deep in thought when she felt someone standing behind her.

"Rory?" She heard an unfamiliar voice ask. She turned around and saw a tall handsome twenty something boy smiling back at her. She smiled slightly at him and nodded.

"Mm-hm?" She mumbled, fidgeting with the tiara on her head. The boy smiled.

"I'm Jordan. You're grandmother sent me over here." He leaned in towards her, invading her personal space. "Apparently we're made for each other." He teased. Rory rolled her eyes. He acted like he was the only one her grandmother had said that to tonight.

"Oh, gee. Well, how convenient," she stammered awkwardly. He was smiling stupidly at her. His eyes wandered over her entire body, obviously checking her out. She felt like a used car.

"There is nothing like having your family play matchmaker," he said sarcastically, laughing at his own joke. "How old are you?" He inquired.

"Me?" I'm, um, almost twenty," she said politely. Secretly, all she wanted to do was get as far away from this creep as possible. But he was backing her into a corner.

"Alright, just making sure everything's legal… You need a drink?" He asked hopefully. Rory's face fell. She was at her grandparent's party. She was not about to drink_ illegally_ in front of them.

"No, not a drink," she said firmly. The guy smiled again, obviously not taking the hint.

"Why? Get a little crazy when you drink?" He asked in a flirty tone. Rory nodded.

"Yes, that's it," she said sarcastically.

"I'd like to see that…" He said inching closer to her. Rory felt like she was going to puke. She opened her mouth to retort, when she saw a familiar blonde boy approach them. She smiled.

"Rory, there you are. I've been looking everywhere for you," he said, completely ignoring Jordan. He slung his arm around her neck and smiled. "I'm late, I'm sorry." He turned to Jordan and his smile grew. "Logan Huntzberger."

"Uh," Jordan Chase," Jordan said, uneasy by Logan's presence. Logan pulled Rory in closer to him.

"Good to meet you, thanks for keeping my girl busy. If you hadn't, she would've noticed exactly how late I am and then she mighta left and that would have been very, very bad," he said giving Jordan and evil look. Jordan raised his eye brows.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry- you're with her?" He said gesturing to Rory. Rory stifled a laugh and held on to Logan's arm, which was currently slung over her shoulder. She leaned her head against his chest and smiled. Logan smirked.

"Going on a year and a half," Logan lied. Jordan swallowed hard and stiffened.

"Great," he said sarcastically. "What the hell am I doing here?" He walked away bitterly. Rory shrugged Logan's arm off of her shoulder and turned around to face him. She smiled brightly.

"Oh, thank you!" She cried sincerely. Never had she been so glad to see Logan.

"You looked cornered," Logan said, smirking. Rory nodded.

"I was."

"Well, glad to be of service. Man I hate these parties." Rory nodded again.

"Not my bag either."

---

Rory was snapped back into reality by James' loud laugh. Rory frowned as she realized where she was. She hugged herself tightly.

"You know," James swarmed. "You're a good listener." Rory nodded weakly. James inched closer to her. "Do you think I could call you sometime?" He asked hopefully. She tried her best to smile and nodded.

"Uh, I guess," she didn't feel like arguing with him. She just wanted to find her mother and get out of here. She thought she could handle this, but she was wrong. She knew she was on the brink of tears again. She quickly scratched her phone number down on a cocktail napkin with a pen and handed it to James. He nodded and smiled.

"Thank you," he said warmly, before walking away. Rory scanned the party, searching for her mother. Her breathing became shallow and she knew she couldn't hold the tears in forever. Why did she constantly have to be reminded of these moments? The moments that she had loved and would always cherish. She knew later that she would be glad to have these memories, but right know they were too painful to reminisce about. Was this ebbing pain ever going to go away? Rory hoped so. Life was becoming unbearable. She couldn't even remember how it felt to be happy. She wondered if she ever would be again.

**Author's Note: Sings THE HILLS ARE ALIVE, WITH THE SOUND OF REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	7. Let Me Go

**Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews… Sorry for the lack of updates… I was a little derailed for awhile… Anyway, here is the next chapter… By the way, I am rectifying the whole Grey's Anatomy cast in Porto Rico situation. They will be in Seattle Washington… and so will Logan :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own it!**

**Chapter 7**

**Let Me Go**

Six months later…

"Rory, come back here!" Lorelai cried, chasing her daughter up the steps. She couldn't believe this was happening. She had thought they were making progress! Now, her daughter was running away from her.

"No!" Rory cried, stumbling over a step. Lorelai forced herself to catch up with Rory and when she did she grasped on to her wrist. Rory turned around and glared at her with fierce eyes. "Let me go!" She barked. Lorelai shook her head.

"You can't do this!" Rory ripped her hand away from her.

"Watch me!" Rory pushed past her mother and started walking down the stairs. Lorelai followed close behind her. Rory made her way over to the front door and put her hand on the doorknob.

"Rory, how long?" Lorelai asked desperately. Rory sighed and turned around. Her expression had softened, but she didn't look any happier. She looked almost ashamed.

"Six months," she mumbled. Lorelai's jaw dropped.

"Six months, Rory, you've been seeing this man for six months?!" Rory's face became fierce again.

"Yes, I've been seeing _James_ for six months!" Rory stood in front of her mother and crossed her arms over her chest. Lorelai couldn't believe how ridiculous she was being.

"And you never told me?" She asked in disbelief.

"That's right."

"Why?"

"Because I knew you would act like this!"

"Damn right I'm acting like this," Lorelai cried, "He's thirty five, he's almost as old as I am."

"Key word, _almost_!" Rory spat bitterly.

"And now you're moving in with him!" Lorelai cried, ignoring the not so subtle jab at her age.

"That's right!"

"Again, I ask why?" Rory sighed and looked down at the ground. She shifted uncomfortably in her spot.

"Because… He loves me…" she mumbled. Lorelai blinked.

"I can not believe I'm hearing this. Rory you do not love him!"

"He loves me, he _needs_ me." Lorelai couldn't believe the words that were coming from her daughter's mouth. She gave her a disgusted look. Rory quickly caught it and looked down at the ground again. "Its fine, I don't need you to approve," she said inconvincibly. Lorelai sighed.

"Do you love him?" Rory didn't answer. Lorelai didn't need her to say anything. She knew the truth.

"That's what I thought," Lorelai said softly, "You're throwing your life away!"

"I am not!"  
"Why do you keep doing this? Why do you keep destroying your life? It wasn't your fault Rory, so stop killing yourself over it."

"What wasn't my fault?" Rory asked in a shaky voice.

"Logan dying!" Lorelai cringed. She regretted the words as soon as they escaped from her lips. She looked over at Rory who was fuming with anger. She didn't say anything though. She just turned around and slammed the door behind her. Lorelai sighed and sat down on the steps. She wasn't going after her. She couldn't say anything to make it better anyway… God, she was so sick of not being able to say anything to make her daughter feel better.

Rory pulled into the parking lot of Cedar Hill Cemetery. She got out slowly and entered through the black steel gates. She walked through the rows of tomb stones solemnly until she found the one she was looking for. She sat down on the plot of land in front of his grave and sighed.

She reached out her hand and touched the cool granite. Her fingers traced over the engraving: '_Logan Elias Huntzberger; beloved son, brother, and friend_.' She shook her head and closed her eyes, trying to feel Logan's presence. She opened her eyes and sighed, nothing. She didn't know why she had come here. She guessed she had come looking for answers. She should have known better. Nothing here reminded her of her Logan. His body wasn't even burred her. All she was doing was staring at a rock with his name on it.

She had come here hoping to gain some clarity on her current situation. James, her… boyfriend, had just asked her to move in with him and she had no idea what she was going to say to him. She didn't love him, but he loved her. If she was unable to love, at least she would be able to let someone else love her. The trouble was, being with James made her feel like she was cheating on Logan. She didn't know why, Logan was dead. You couldn't date a dead person. And that's when it hit her. Logan wasn't her boyfriend anymore and she wasn't his girlfriend.

She got up slowly and pulled a cell phone out of her coat pocket. She dialed a familiar number and frowned slightly.

"Hello," said a baritone voice on the other end.

"Hello, James?" Rory quipped brightly.

"Speaking," said the voice.

"I was thinking about what we were talking about earlier…"

"And…." Rory hesitated, what if she was making a huge mistake by moving in with a man she neither loved nor knew very well. She briefly glanced down at Logan's 'grave' and her heart leapt. She needed to take this step if she was ever going to forget about him.

"I'd love to move in with you." James chuckled on the other end. Somehow, this made Rory have an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Come on over and we'll start preparing," he said huskily. Rory nodded and then realized he wouldn't be able to see her gesture over the phone.

"Okay." She shut her phone and bit her lip. With one more glance at Logan's tombstone, she vacated the cemetery. She was ready to forget about the past. She was ready to forget about Logan Huntzberger.

"I don't want to hear it!" Dr. Bailey cried. Dr. Shepherd shook his head.

"Bailey, you can't just relocate your patient to the hospital you're moving to!" Dr. Shepherd cried. Dr. Bailey put her hands on her hips.

"And why not?"

"Because…. I don't know why, but it's unheard of!"

"But not forbidden!"

"Dr. Bailey, think about what you're doing," Dr. Burke rationed. Dr. Bailey shook her head stubbornly and smiled.

"Doctors, I am taking this comatose patient with me to Seattle Grace Hospital. He is my patient. I have been his doctor for a year and a half and if he ever comes out of this coma he deserves to have someone who has been here for the entire run explain to him what has happened."

"But-" Dr. Shepherd protested. Dr. Bailey waved him off.

"No buts, I'm taking him." Dr. Burke sighed.

"We're leaving for Seattle Grace in the morning. You'd better get the paper work filled out." Dr. Burke turned around to leave and Dr. Shepherd stared at him in awe.

"You can't be serious!"

"I'm always serious Derrek." Dr. Burke left and Dr. Shepherd gapped at Dr. Bailey. She smiled smugly.

"He's my patient."

"I know, geeze!" Dr. Bailey nodded and left the room as well. Dr. Shepherd stood in the room confused. He scratched his head and sighed.

"I sure as hell home Seattle Grace isn't as confusing as this place is…" He mumbled to himself.


	8. Out of Mind, Out of Sight

**Author's Note: Sorry about the confusion with the whole moving Logan to Seattle thing… I just didn't want them in Costa Rica anymore. So Logan, Derek, Burke, and Bailey are now all at Seattle Grace Hospital. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or Grey's Anatomy. I'm not as brilliant as Shonda or Amy. **

**Chapter 8**

**Out of Mind, Out of Sight**

Six Months later… again…

Rory lay helpless on her back as James frantically thrust inside of her. She barely noticed. She just let him do all the work. He didn't seem to mind her laziness. He seemed to prefer it. She turned her head to the side and played with the fabric of the bed between her fingers. She let out a long sigh, in which James responded with a grunt. He didn't care if she was bored. All she was to him was a pretty face and someone to fuck. She had thought he loved her, but she was wrong. She had learned that in the past six months she had been living with him.

When he had told her he loved her, it had all been words. She couldn't be mad at him for that, because she had done the same thing, only not for the same intentions. It didn't matter, she made him happy, that was the only reason she was here. She would not admit defeat to her mother, the thought of her mother's name alone made Rory cringe. She hadn't talked to her since the day she moved out, along with all of her other friends. She didn't feel right with them anymore. So she just stopped returning their calls.

She vaguely felt James roll off of her, but she barely noticed. He rolled over on his side and a few minutes later she heard the baritone sounds of his snores. Rory cringed again, his snoring was so loud. She wrinkled up her nose in disgust and lay on her side. She strategically brought her left hand under her head for support. A hard object grazed her ear and she quickly pulled her hand away and looked at her ring finger.

She was wearing a silver pear shaped diamond engagement ring. It was beautiful, but something about it seemed off. She had said yes to James almost an hour again. She didn't regret her decision. She was here to make him happy and that's what she was doing by agreeing to marry him. She wasn't herself around James…. although technically, she hadn't been herself in almost two years…. She didn't read, she didn't write, and she didn't smile often. The only time she did smile was when she was thinking of… him…

She still missed him everyday. She thought about him everyday, but not as often as she used to. Everything used to remind her of him, but now only some things did. The pain had slowly subsided into numbness. She didn't feel anything, but that was better than being in constant pain. She smiled slightly at the thought of him. She heard James grunt and roll over. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into him. She didn't move, she just let him do it. He held her tightly and she just pretended that his arms were a certain blonde haired boy's. She had to pretend, if she didn't, she didn't think she could stay sane.

---

Izzy Stevens, a first year intern at Seattle Grace Hospital held her lunch tray in her hand and barged through the door of a patient's room. As she loudly entered the room, four heads shot up in surprise. Izzy smiled sheepishly at them.

"Sorry," she said sweetly. The rest of the people in the room continued what they were doing.

"So Izzy," George, another first year surgical intern at Seattle Grace said, picking at the food on his tray. The others in the room were also surgical interns at Seattle Grace. George was quite and quirky, Alex was cocky and arrogant, Christina was persistent and determined to succeed, and Meredith was… well Meredith. "What's with the attitude?"

"What attitude?" Izzy asked sharply. Christina looked up from her tray of food and pointed her fork at George.

"You're right, I do sense attitude." Izzy sighed in frustration.

"I'm just tired."

"Ah ha, so we have established that there is an attitude." The rest of the interns in the room glared at Alex. He lowered his head and continued to eat his hospital food. Alex wasn't part of their little group, but he always seemed to be hanging around. It annoyed the hell out of Izzy.

"No one asked you," Izzy snapped. Alex picked up his tray and stood up.

"Fine, I don't need this," he said dramatically, "I'll go eat in some other comatose patient's room." He left in a huff and after he slammed the door the others burst out in laughter.

"Where is he going to find another comatose patient who doesn't have someone constantly visiting them?" Christina asked.

"I don't know, but he won't find one as quiet as this one," Meredith said, flipping through the pages of a magazine.

"Or one with such a nice view," Izzy said, sitting down next to Meredith.

"Ah yes, cute comatose boy is a nice perk," Christina said, with a sly grin. Izzy and Meredith nodded. George cocked his brow at them.

"I'm getting very uncomfortable with this conversation," George mumbled. Izzy patted him on the back.

"Sorry George."

"What's the story with him anyway?" Meredith asked.

"I'm sorry if I don't find cute comatose guy attractive!" George yelled defensively. Christina whacked him in the stomach.

"Not you, we're talking about the coma guy."

"But we did get you to say cute comatose guy," Izzy said playfully. George sighed.

"I need to find some guy friends…"

"Well you could go off with Alex," Christian suggested. George glared at her.

"Okay fine!" Christian said, raising her hands up in the air in mock surrender, "suit yourself!"

"I'm glad someone answered my question," Meredith said sarcastically to no one in particular.

"I'm sorry princess Meredith, you were saying?" Meredith glared at Izzy and took a bite out of her bagel.

"As I was saying, how did this guy get like this?"

"I don't know," Christina said apathetically, examining her milk container.

"Apparently, no one knows who he is. He was Bailey's patient when she, Dr. Shepherd, and Dr. Burke were all in Costa Rica for their missionary work." Izzy said, taking a big bite out of her apple. Meredith nodded and looked at her expectantly. She obviously wanted more of the story. Izzy swallowed and rolled her eyes at her friend's curiosity. "He apparently jumped off a cliff while base jumping and his parachute didn't open. He almost died. They found him off the coast of Costa Rica and like I said, no one knows who he is, so no one comes to visit him." Meredith nodded. She was obviously satisfied with the story.

"Why do you care?" Christina asked. She looked over at George who was trying to take a bite of a very large sandwich. Meredith sighed and looked down at the ground. She stirred around the peas that were on her tray.

"I don't know, it just seems really sad to me. His family must think he's dead. Can you imagine if he wakes up from this? He would have lost years of his life. It just makes you appreciate… living…." The room was silent for a minute, until Christina cleared her throat.

"Way to bring down the cute comatose guy's room," she said sarcastically. Meredith returned to her food. She didn't care what the others thought. She felt bad for this poor boy. A few minutes later a stout, grumpy looking woman walked past the door. She stopped in her tracks and entered the room. She stared at the interns and put her hands on her hips.

"I thought I told you four not to eat in this room! Get out of here, leave the poor boy alone!" She cried. The interns quickly gathered their things and Bailey shooed them out of the room. "And stay out!" She cried. Meredith was the last to leave. She looked back at the blonde haired comatose boy and sighed. It really was a sad sight. He was so young and had lost some of the best years of his life. How could you not feel bad for him? She let Bailey shoo her out and she followed her friends down the hall into the cafeteria to dispose of their trays. Meredith couldn't get the comatose boy out of her head for the rest of the day. They would be going back to his room for lunch tomorrow. She would make sure of that. They were the only people he had. And even if it was for selfish reasons, everybody should have an occasional visitor.

**Author's Note: I know, it's a really short chapter and it's mainly about the Grey's Anatomy characters, but the one after the next one will be longer…. Hmm… what could that chapter be about Wink, wink**


	9. The One You Thought Would Always BeThere

**Author's Note: Okay, I had some requests for an update to this story and I haven't updated it in awhile, so here I am, updating…. There isn't very much Logan in this chapter… In fact I don't think he's in it at all except for when I mention it at the end... Okay, here's the update. **

**Flashbacks are in italics. **

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Gilmore Girls… Deal with it! **

**Chapter 9 **

**Without The One You Thought Would Always Be There **

One year later… Three years after Logan's disappearance…

---

Rory walked absent-mindedly through one of the many ballrooms in the Plaza Hotel in New York City. She was here for a DAR function, which she had helped plan. The party was for Emily Gilmore, the retiring president of the DAR and her estranged Grandmother. Had she really not spoken to her in over a year?

Rory had joined the DAR because James had asked her to. He thought she was too sheltered and anti-social. Rory agreed, knowing that when she became his wife in almost a month, his life would be her life too. Being an anti-social wife was not good for James' image. And as his wife, she represented him. He needed to make contacts. He was a lawyer in a big firm. She helped him make those contacts by befriending silly socialites. It was all too easy, so why not play the game if she was good at it?

She grabbed a martini from a waitress walking by. She took a long sip and scanned the room for her Grandmother. She had promised herself that she would talk to her tonight and talk to her about some one else who she hadn't spoken to in a year and a half.

She spotted her across the room in a frivolous conversation with Sissy George. Emily looked calm and at ease despite the fact that tonight was her 'retirement party.' In all actuality, Emily was being forced out of her position and was not happy about it, but that's how the Hartford society ran things. When you got to old, you were 'out.' Now all they had to do was elect a newer, younger, fresher, face to plaster on a banner as the prestigious president of this silly organization that really didn't seem to do anything but plan frivolous tea parties.

Rory approached Emily from the right and tapped her on the shoulder. Emily stopped mid-sentence in a conversation with Sissy about tablecloths to turn around and identify the person that had interrupted her. Emily's face fell slightly when she realized who had approached her, but she quickly regained her 'society' smile.

"Rory, how lovely to see you," Emily said pleasantly. Her smile was so tight. Rory could tell she was struggling to keep up her cool charade. Rory put on her own 'society' smile and nodded.

"Good to see you too Emily." Sissy must have taken this as her cue to exit, because she did just that, leaving her alone with the frightening Emily Gilmore. As soon as Sissy was out of sight, Emily's smile faded into a scowl.

"What are you doing here?" she asked coldly. Rory sighed. She had hoped it wouldn't be this way tonight, but apparently she was wrong.

"I helped planned it Grandma."

"Don't call me that, you lost that right when you stopped calling me all together." Her words made Rory's heart ache slightly, but the pain quickly subsided.

"I'm sorry about that," she said quietly. Emily sighed and raised a martini glass to her lips.

"That's alright, everyone seems to be pushing me out of their lives lately," she said distantly, looking across the room at the young wives of elitists. Rory could tell they were no longer talking about her.

"I heard," Emily looked over at her in surprise, "about the forced retirement." Emily sighed again and smiled weakly.

"Who hasn't? This party is a pity party for a tired old woman they are so glad to get rid of."

"They'll miss you Grandma, when you're gone. You were a great president and it will be their loss." Emily raised her eyebrows slyly at Rory and chuckled softly.

"You don't have to lie anymore Rory, Sissy left." Rory sighed inwardly. She wasn't lying, she was trying to be sincere, but she guesses she should have known that trying to be honest with a Hartford socialite was impossible, even if it was her own Grandmother.

"Right, so how have you been?"

"Fine, how are the wedding plans going?"

"Oh, fine, great actually."

"Well that's nice, I'll be sure to send you something for a wedding gift." Rory sighed. She didn't feel like tiptoeing around the subject anymore.

"Why aren't you coming to the wedding Grandma?"  
"I didn't RSVP Rory."

"I know Grandma, why?" Emily took another sip of her martini and smiled.

"I don't approve, you know that. He's what thirty-five? He'll never make you happy and stop pretending he will, because I can see it in your eyes. You're lying to everyone, including yourself. Everyone can tell, there's no life in your eyes anymore, no sparkle. Not like there was when you were with _him_." Rory put her hand up to stop her Grandmother's rant.

"Please, don't talk about him." Emily pursed her lips and decided to drop the subject.

"So, did your mother RSVP?" Rory shook her head sadly.

"No, and you know that Grandma."

"I know, I just wanted to see if you cared."

"Please don't do this here Grandma," Rory quietly begged. Emily stayed silent, slowly stirring the liquid in her martini glass. Rory watched the liquid slowly spin in the glass. "How is she?" Emily looked up at her in surprise. "How's my mom?" Emily took a deep breath.

"Married."

"To Luke?"

"Of course…" A comfortable silence fell over them.

"Is she happy?"

"As happy as she can be without you…."

"I see…"

"She misses you, think about that."

"I will," she lied. Emily nodded and walked away, leaving Rory to tend to her own martini glass. She slowly stirred the liquid in the glass. She remembered the first big fight she had ever had with her mother. It had been after she had slept with Dean. Back then, she thought she could never go a week without talking to her mother, let alone a year and a half.

_Lorelai looked at the rumpled bed in Rory's room. She turned back around and stared at Rory, her eyes were piercing right through her, she knew. _

_ "So what did he borrow?" Lorelai asked, trying to beat around the bush. 'My virginity,' Rory thought to herself. She bit her lip and tried to figure out what to say. Her mother was staring at her with a disapproving gaze and Rory felt like a child who'd been caught with her hand inside the cookie jar. _

_ " I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it first. I know I promised I would, but I swear, I didn't know that this was going to happen," she stuttered, ringing her hands. Lorelai stared at her in disbelief. As if she couldn't comprehend how her 'perfect' daughter had messed up so badly. _"_I mean, I didn't know he was going to show up tonight, and it just happened. It's awful for you to find out like this, I know, but everything's okay. I'm okay, and we were, you know, safe. So all those Trojan man jokes all these years really apparently stuck." _

_ She was rambling, she knew that and Lorelai wasn't stopping her. She just kept staring at her like she had given up. Rory felt a lump forming in her throat. She wanted to please her mother, but she couldn't figure out why she had such a problem with this. This was her mother, the woman who was fun and free and had always encouraged her to be more outgoing. Now, when she had finally gotten over her prudish ways, her mother was not happy. Would anything make her happy? Rory swallowed and prepared herself for the inevitable melt down from her mother. She really never was one to kept her opinions silent. "And I'm lucky, too, because Dean, he's -- well, aren't you glad that it happened with someone who's good and really loves me?" The 'loves me' part must have struck a cord with Lorelai, because she finally found her voice. _

_ "But he's married," she pointed out. Rory blinked. Her mother didn't understand. _

_ "You don't understand the situation," she started, but Lorelai interrupted her. _

_ "Is he still married?" she asked, getting angrier. _

_ "Yes, but –" _

_ "Then I understand the situation." _

_ "It's not working out between them. They're not happy." _

_ "Oh, Rory." Rory frowned. She didn't like her mother's condescending tone. Addressing her as if she didn't understand what she just did, like she was a child. _

_ "He tried the best he could, but it didn't work. It's over." Lorelai shook her head and sighed. _

_ "__He told you that?" _

_ "Yes…" _

_ "He told you he's leaving her?" Rory blinked. No he had not said that, but it was implied. He had to be leaving Lindsey right? _

_ "Well-" _

_ "He told you he's moving out, they're getting divorced, he's got a lawyer, they've divided up the monster-truck season tickets?" Rory was getting frustrated with her mother's questions. She didn't know the answer to them, but she was going to figure them out. God, didn't her mother know her at all? _

_ "We didn't get around to discussing everything." Lorelai glared at her. _

_ "You didn't get around to discussing everything?" _

_ "It was a crazy night!" Rory defended. _

_ "You, of all people -- the girl who thinks everything through, the list maker -- you didn't bother to discuss those things before jumping into bed with a married guy?" Rory's bottom lip quivered. Her mom was making her sound like a slut, she wasn't _

_ "He's not a married guy," she argued, "He's Dean -- my Dean." _

_ "He's not your Dean. He's Lindsay's Dean. You're the other woman!" Rory couldn't stand to hear that her mother wasn't on her side, that she wasn't happy for her. This was supposed to be one of the best nights of her life, one she would remember forever, and her mother was ruining it. _

_ "I told you, it's over!" _

_ "It's not over until he's out of the house with the ring off." _

_ "He took the ring off!" she knew she sounded pathetic, but she didn't care. this. _

_ "Oh, my God, I don't believe this," Lorelai cried, throwing her hands up in the air. _

_ "He's in love with me, not Lindsay." _

_ "Does Lindsay know that?" Rory hated that Lorelai kept bringing up Lindsay. Couldn't she see that Lindsey didn't matter anymore. Lindsey had been a mistake, Dean's mistake and he was sorry for it. _

_ "She's not good for him, okay? She lets him quit school and work himself to death and –" _

_ "No, Rory, uh-uh, you can't be one of those girls who blames the wife for forcing the husband to cheat." Rory couldn't believe what she was hearing. This was worse than being called a slut. She was now being called the other woman. _

_ "He wasn't cheating." _

_ "He was cheating, Rory. He was cheating, and you were cheating with him. There's no other way to spin that, kid." _

_ "I'm not spinning it, and I'm not a kid. I'm 19," she cried, changing the subject, as if her age excused everything. She knew it didn't, but maybe her mother would understand. _

_ "This is your first time. It's just not the way your first time was supposed to be." Rory was annoyed by this. Her mother thought everything was supposed to magical and perfect, but her mother had never been to college. In college, Rory was lonely, she had tried going on dates, but those guys did care about her. Dean did, he wanted her and at this point all Rory wanted was to be wanted, to be love. Even if she didn't love him back. _

_ "Oh, and how was my first time supposed to be?" _

_ "Well, first of all, it was supposed to be in a retirement home. And secondly, ideally, it was supposed to be with someone single." Single, the word ringed in Rory's ears and it disgusted her. Her mother had no idea how hard it was to find a decent single guy at Yale. They were all rich socialites, and she thought her mom would rather see her with Dean than with the people her mother had tried so hard to keep her away from all these years. _

_ "My first time was with someone sweet and kind who loves me." _

_ "I didn't raise you to be like this. I didn't raise you to be the kind of girl who sleeps with someone else's husband." 'Hypocrite' Rory thought to herself. Her mother was living a double standard, something she needed to point out. _

_ "You slept with dad when he was with Sherry." _

_ "He wasn't married to Sherry." Rory snorted. Her mother spouted all this garbage about the sanctity of marriage, but what did she know about marriage, she had never been married, so why did she care so much about it? _

_ "He was engaged, and she was pregnant." _

_ "So, this is all my fault? I set one crappy example for you, and you have no choice but to follow in my footsteps?" Rory clenched her fists. Her mother was making this about her. She ALWAYS made it about her. She turned and started to walk away. _

_ "Rory, what are you going to do now? Huh? Is there a plan?" Lorelai spat, venom dripping from her words. _

_ "I don't want to talk about it anymore." She felt hot tears start to burn in her eyes, but she refused to let her mother see her cry about _

"_I just want what's best for you, that's all!" Rory's pace quickened and she walked towards the door. Her mother stopped her. _

_ "I don't want to talk about it!"_

_"I just don't want you to get hurt, Rory. What if he doesn't leave her? Now you're all emotionally involved." Why couldn't she stop talking? Why was she putting all of these doubts in her mind? _

_ "You're just mad because I didn't come running to you to discuss whether or not I was ready for this step. I decided it on my own." Her mother just couldn't stand that her little girl didn't need her anymore. _

_ "Well, obviously, you weren't ready for this step. The very fact that you chose another girl's guy to sleep with proves that!" _

_ "He was my boyfriend first!" she argued. _

_ "But you dumped him! You rejected him! You picked someone else!" That was a low blow, bringing up Jess. Choosing Jess had been a mistake, she knew that now, Dean knew that now. _

_ "Stop it!" She walked away, her tears were getting heavy in her eye lids. Her heart was thumping madly and her mind was racing. _

_ "Rory!" Her mother chased after her, but she ran towards the door and slammed it behind her. _

_ "I hate you for ruining this for me!" She got outside and felt the cool night's air pierce her bare skin. She put on her sweater and pulled her cell phone out. She needed to hear his voice, she needed him to reassure every fear, every doubt that was rushing through her mind curtsy of her mother. A half an hour ago she had been so sure of everything, but her mother had ruined that too. She dialed his number and pressed the phone up to her ear. _

_ "Hello?" a female voice said into the phone. Rory's heart stopped, "Hello, hello?" Rory turned off the phone, sunk down on her knees, and let her tears fall freely. She wasn't out of her life, she was right there waiting for him to come home. The realization of what she had done began to sink in and Rory couldn't believe what she had done. She felt her mother come up behind her and watch her sob on the front lawn, but she didn't dare approach. _

Her and her mother's relationship had never been quite the same after that, even though they had claimed to have forgiven each other, Rory knew she had fallen from grace in her mother's eyes forever. Worse fights had followed that one, permanently damaging the mother daughter relationship that used to be envied by everyone.

Rory looked up and saw Sissy getting up on the stage. She clinked a spoon against her champagne glass, gaining everyone's attention.

"Excuse me everybody?" Everyone's eyes were on her now and Sissy was satisfied. "Thank you for coming tonight on behalf of our beloved ex President Emily Gilmore." Everyone turned to Emily and flashed her their perfect 'society' smiles. Emily raised her martini glass and kept her smile tight. Everyone turned back to Sissy. "As you know, we now need a new President. The girls and I had a meeting and the decision has been made." Rory crossed her arms over her chest and wondered why she wasn't invited to this meeting… Unless. Oh, god she hoped not. "Our new President is…. Rory Gilmore!" Everyone turned towards Rory and started clapping madly. Rory smiled timidly and Rory smiled sheepishly. She turned towards Emily, who looked like she had been punched in the gut.

"Congratulations," she murmured stiffly. Rory's mouth fell open as people pulled her towards the stage for her to make a speech. Rory looked back at her Grandmother and saw the sadness in her eyes, as if someone had just taken away her puppy. Rory couldn't help but feel bad as she watched her stir the liquid in her martini glass slowly.

---

Meanwhile in a hospital in Seattle, Washington, a blonde boy is just waking up from a coma after three years.

**Author's Note: I think that may be the meanest cliffhanger I have ever written. Moohaha. Anyway, I know I said in the first chapter that Logan would be in a coma for five years, but I'm changing it to three! So press Herman (the review button) and leave me a lovely review telling me if you hate me (because of the cliff hanger) or if you love me (because I updated.)**


	10. You Wake Up, Hoping It Was All A Dream

**Author's Note: … I need to start updating this story again.. I feel bad… I left you guys on a cliff hanger and then I proceeded to sporadically update "How To Save A Life" only. Now, I don't even remember how I wanted to finish this story… Oh wait, now I remember ********! So, here is your update, I hope you all enjoy it! **

**Wait I almost forgot, if you don't like dirty stuff, don't read the first half of the chapter… It's not quite up to smut standards, but it's not twister either. In fact, they don't even go all the way, if you know what I mean. **

**Chapter 10**

**You Wake Up, Hoping It Was All Just A Dream…**

Izzie

Izzie Stevens spastically grabbed Alex's hand and dragged him down the hall in a frenzy of sexual tension. She hated Alex she _really_ hated him! Yet, the only thoughts that were currently swimming around her mind were the ones concerning getting him _inside_ of her as quickly as possible.

"Whoa, where are we going?" Alex asked in his usual cocky manner. Izzie stopped dead in her tracks, unsure of the answer to the question at hand. She looked around wildly for a spot where she could get her release. Certainly, the hospital board officials would frown on her going down on Alex in the middle of the hall. Her eyes trailed over a familiar room and a wide smile spread over her face. She grabbed Alex's hand again, almost pulling his arm out of his socket, and pushed him inside the room her and her friends had deemed 'cute comatose guy's room.'

Izzie locked the door behind her and smiled mischievously at Alex. He raised an eyebrow in response, obviously confused by her recent actions. Oh right, she had to tell him of her intentions… Why couldn't they just have sex without talking at all? Izzie lunged at Alex, enveloping him in her arms. Her lips started viciously attacking his neck, sucking and biting. She pulled his shirt over his head frantically. Painstakingly, he pushed her off in surprise and she gave him a sheepish half smile. "What are you doing?" Alex asked, unable to suppress a laugh. Izzie smirked at him and pulled her light-blue scrubs shirt over her head, letting it fall to the floor.

"I want you," Izzie said, bluntly. She watched as Alex gawked at her lacy pink bra clad on her half-naked body. She liked that he gawked. It made her feel sexy, powerful, in _control_. She took a step towards him, pressing herself flush against his body, feeling his hardness brush against her thigh. It saddened her that it was constricted inside the compounds of his pants. 'Well," Izzie thought to herself, "not for long." With one quick movement she pulled down Alex's pants, letting them pool on the floor. She smiled at the frog-covered boxers Alex was currently sporting. He noticed her amused stares and he immediately searched his mind for excuses.

"I um, I didn't know…"

"Please stop talking," Izzie demanded, grabbing the back of Alex's neck. She hungrily started kissing Alex. She was famished for some attention. Being in the Seattle Grace Intern program, as enriching as it was, had taken a toll on her love life severely. Moreover, she wasn't one of the many interns who had managed to snag a hot resident all for herself. He hem, Meredith and Christina…. She moaned slightly as Alex's mouth eagerly latched itself onto her neck. She tilted her head back, to let him have better access, when she saw something in the corner of her eye. She tried ignoring it, but curiosity got the better of her and she turned her head to have a better look. Her heart stopped at what she saw and she quickly pushed Alex off her. He raised his eyebrows at her abrupt turn-around and he held his hands out in disbelief.

"I can't believe this! You're going to leave me high and dry?"

"Shhh," Izzie hissed, quickly walking over to the occupied bed on the other side of the room. She leaned over the person in the bed and gasped. "Alex," she cried, "Get Dr. Bailey!"

Logan

Anger, shouting, crying, soothing, convincing, frustration, realization, sadness, distance, depression, desperation, drinking, excitement, apathy, rushing, pain, helplessness, and beautiful blue eyes; these were all the things that came rushing back into Logan's mind, painstakingly fast, as he opened his eyes. He was aching, he was confused, he was _immobile_. Panic rushed through his body as he frantically tried to sit up, but her couldn't he couldn't move, he couldn't speak. It was scary and he was totally and completely helpless.

He realized suddenly that he couldn't see, but that problem was quickly fixed as his eyes started to focus. His mind was fuzzy, he couldn't formulate a thought. He could swear that he saw an outline of a blonde woman standing over him. Shit, there was a blonde woman standing over him… Worse yet, she was wearing nothing but an extremely erotic pink lacey bra. Logan shook his head weakly, surprised that he was able to move it at all. She stabled his head with her hands and he groaned, finally able to find his voice.

"No," he said groggily, "you need to go…" He told the blonde. She ignored his request and continued to hold his head still. She was breathing heavily and Logan wanted nothing more than for her to go away, he needed her to go away. Rory was mad at him enough already without seeing him in this compromising position with some random blonde. "I have a girlfriend," he informed her, obviously in vain. The girl opened her mouth to speak, but she seemed to be at a loss for words. Finally she found her voice.

"Dr. Bailey!" the girl wailed. Logan furrowed his brow in confusion. That was not what he had expected her to say. Suddenly, a backdrop emerged from behind the girl standing on top of him and he saw a very sterile room around him. His heart leapt when he realized he was in a hospital. A few seconds later, a stout dark skinned woman with short black hair entered the room looking angry. She put her hands on her hips and glared at the bra-clad blonde. Shortly behind the angry woman, came a man wearing only navy blue boxers with green frogs on them. He stood in the doorway, unsure of what was happening Logan was sure.

"What are you two idiots doing?" the stout woman shrieked. The blonde walked away from Logan and bent down to pick up her shirt. She quickly pulled it back on and pointed at Logan, speechless for the second time. "Oh my god!" The stout woman immediately rushed over to Logan's bedside and started prodding him with her fingers. Logan became immediately agitated and he swatted her hand away. Apparently, he had gotten the feeling in his hands back…. Too bad he still couldn't move his legs.

"Holy shit," said the man in boxers. He quickly bent down like the blonde girl did, retrieving his own clothes and throwing them on. Logan looked over at the blonde and saw that she was adjusting a stethoscope around her neck. She was a doctor. Logan became more and more panicked as he realized the stout woman and the boxer man were both doctors as well.

"Dr. Bailey," the blonde said, talking to the stout woman, "we just came in here and saw him like this, I swear." The person obviously known as Dr. Bailey waved the blonde away and shown a flashlight in Logan's eyes. Logan squinted, trying to adjust to the light.

"What the hell is going on," he asked, his voice becoming stronger. He tried to get up, but Dr. Bailey pushed him back down gently.

"Lay down, sir," Dr. Bailey instructed sternly. She turned to the blonde and the boxer man and frowned. "I'll deal with you two later." The two doctors nodded and she waved for them to come closer, obviously to help her with Logan. Logan started resisting their touch. Where was he, why was he here, and what was wrong with him. Dr. Bailey shook her head and placed her hand on his chest, to keep him from sitting up.

"You're in the hospital sir, you've been in a coma for three year," Logan's heart stopped at her words, this had to be a joke, it just had to be. He shook his head.

"No, no!" he said frantically. Dr. Bailey nodded solemnly.

"I'm afraid so and further more, when we found you on the cost of Costa Rica, you didn't have any I.D. so I'm afraid your identity is unknown." Logan laid his head back and felt tears stinging in his eyes. "I'm guessing your friends and family have no idea you're alive." Logan swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat and he looked over at the blonde doctor.

"I'm Dr. Stevens," she informed him, not breaking eye contact. Logan wasn't sure why, but he trusted this doctor, more than the others. Maybe it was because she was the only one currently not probing him until his sides hurt. The male doctor came up beside him, reading what he assumed was his chart.

"I'm Dr. Karev," he said, not breaking eye contact off the chart, "do you remember your name?" Logan glared at the man.

"Of course I remember my name," Logan spat rapidly, "why wouldn't I remember my name?" Dr. Stevens put her hand on his chest, trying to calm him down, which he did instantly.

"Sir calm down, he's just asking because most comatose patients experience some sort of temporary memory loss." Logan sighed and closed his eyes. He blocked out everything else they had to say, none of this could be true. It had to be a dream, a very bad dream, because none of it seemed… Real…

**Author's Note: Time for some reviews people… I'm serious! Press Herman, and I'll love you forever! **


	11. Teardrop

**Author's Note:… I started getting a bunch of PMs telling me to update this story… I think that may be a sign, so here is your update. (by the way, future PMs nagging me will not be taken as a sign, rather, a hindrance. Plus, I have a lot of story ideas, but I don't like having so many to work on at once. So, I'm going to finish this one, so I don't feel as bad… yeah… that works.**

**PS: In this chapter, everything in italics is things that are on TV… you'll see.**

**Disclaimer: I live in a cardboard box. Therefore, owning Gilmore Girls was never an option. They don't give the rights to shows away to box people… they are prejudice against us. **

**Chapter 11**

**Teardrop **

LLL

_Twenty seven year old, Logan Huntzberger, was identified at Seattle Grace Hospital yesterday after being thought to be dead for three years. His doctors say they found him three years ago off the coast of Costa Rica and he was diagnosed as comatose when he reached the hospital with no Identification at all. Huntzberger is the son of Mitchum Huntzberger, the newspaper mogul. After his disappearance three years ago, Huntzberger Publishing Group went through a scramble trying to figure out who Mitchum's successor would be, fortunately Logan was found a few weeks before Mitchum was going to announce who the new heir was. Logan's family and friends have been reported to be here at the hospital, but they all refuse to give any comment on Logan's current condition- _

The medium sized TV attached to the wall of the small hospital room snapped off departing with a startling crackling sound. A nurse placed the offending remote down on the nightstand next to the sterile hospital bed that contained a recovering blonde twenty seven year old.

Logan lay back in his bed and sighed audibly. His family and friends were coming in to visit him, this would be the first time they would be seeing him for three years, but it felt like he had just seen them all a few days ago.

Three years… he had missed three years of his life, and he didn't feel any different. But the facts were simple; he was no longer a twenty-four year old college senior living life to the fullest. He was twenty-seven. God, the plan his father had set out for him would have him already running his own newspaper at the age of twenty-seven. He shut his eyes and wondered briefly if he could will himself back into a coma. He didn't have much of a chance to try, because moments later the door to his room swung open and he heard dozens of feet scurrying into the room. He opened his eyes and found himself surrounded by a bunch of people.

"Hi," he said, trying to make the people stop staring. The sound of his voice jolted the people out of their shock and incoherent noise erupted from the group suddenly. Logan winced. He saw his mother, who was newly botoxed, swoop down and engulf him in a hug.

"Oh, my baby boy!" she cried, not letting Logan go. Logan felt like she was cutting off his circulation, but he understood how upset she must have been considering the situation. He patted her on the back, awkwardly. He hadn't even gotten this much affection from her when he was 'alive.' He surveyed the room when his mother finally let go. He saw Steph holding hands with Colin they were beaming brightly. He saw Finn kneeling on the ground, pretending to worship him while chanting 'hail the messiah, the resurrected lord.' Honor and Josh were standing to his right, in her hands she was teetering with a blonde baby. Mitchum was standing next to Shira, as she hugged him tightly, sobbing slightly. Next to Mithcum - hard faced as ever - was his grandfather, Elias.

He also noticed in the corner of his eye, standing in the doorframe, the stout dark skinned doctor who he had come to know over the past two days as Dr. Bailey. He flashed her a quick smile and winked. She shook her head, feigning annoyance, but couldn't help but smile back. She walked away leaving Logan to his family and friends.

Logan was bombarded by his company with new information. Colin and Stephanie where married. Honor had a son, named Logan, who was his nephew. Finn had given up alcohol, 'for good this time!' When he 'died' Yale had processed his diploma anyway, for his family to have in remembrance. And of course, Mitchum had a job available as soon as he got better. That one was a treat. Soon the people filed out. Mitchum, Elias, and Shira had gone outside to talk to the reporters. Honor and Josh went back to their hotel because baby Logan was getting fussy. Now, only Colin, Steph, and Finn remained.

Finn's head snapped to the door as Izzie Stevens, the blonde, shirtless doctor, walked past the door.

"Who is that?" Finn asked, in his usual Australian accent. Logan opened his mouth to respond, but Finn bolted out the door after Izzie. Logan laughed, knowing Izzie would soon put him in his place. Steph, however, did not know just how well Izzie Stevens could take care of herself, so she sprinted after Finn frantically.

"Finn!" she cried, rounding out into the hallway. "Come back here!" Logan and Colin both laughed this time as Steph embarked on her wild goose chase. Logan stopped laughing and turned his attention back to Colin. He seemed different. His shoulders were broader, he was no longer the geeky looking, sweater vest-wearing friend he had left behind three years ago. He was clad in a suit, as if he had just come out of a meeting, and he seemed more mature. His stance was different. He seemed more at ease, that is, before he noticed that Logan was staring at him. He quickly tensed up and cleared his throat.

"It's uh, good to have you back man," he said, distancing himself like he always did when things got uncomfortable. Logan smiled weakly.

"I'm glad to be back," he murmured. Colin nodded and looked down at the ground.

"Yeah, because without you, wrangling Finn is a lot harder, he has gotten craftier, you should just see-"

"Colin," Logan interrupted, staring seriously at Colin now. Colin closed his mouth and swallowed hard, making his Adam's apple bob up and down. "Where is she?" Colin sighed and shook his head; he understood exactly who _she_ was.

"I was afraid you would ask that," he said softly. Logan felt his heart drop at Colin's words; that was not a good sign.

"What do you mean," he asked with panic slightly obvious in his tone, "she's okay isn't she?" Colin shook his head.

"To my knowledge, she's fine, it's just… I don't really know how to answer you." Logan furrowed his brow in confusion, trying to figure out what Colin was trying to tell him.

"Why not?" Colin rubbed the back of his neck as if trying to formulate his thoughts into coherent sentences. Logan wished he would hurry up. "Colin!" he snapped.

"None of us have heard from her since we graduated, Logan. It's like she dropped off the face of the planet!" Logan's face fell.

"Oh."

"Yeah, so I'm not going to be much help in telling you how she is, seeing as I don't know." Logan nodded.

"You don't know anything at all?" Colin shrugged.

"The extent of my knowledge is that she lives in Manhattan, that's it." Logan nodded, accepting this news as good news.

"Can I ask you a question?" Colin nodded.

"Of course."

"Was she at the funeral?" Colin's face turned sour, momentarily, making Logan come to many conclusions; all pointing to the answer no.

"Of course she did Logan!" Logan relaxed slightly.

"Okay."

"Why wouldn't she, she loved you Logan!" Logan ran a hand over his face, wishing that he hadn't said anything.

"Given the state of our relationship when I went on that trip, I wasn't sure." Colin shook his head in disgust.

"She may have been mad at you Logan, but nothing could have stopped her from grieving over you. In fact, she was the last one at the cemetery, besides myself." Logan nodded.

"Sorry, I just… didn't know." He exhaled, closing his eyes again, hoping Colin would take the hint that he didn't want to talk about this anymore.

"I asked her to marry me," Colin said slowly. Logan's eyes flew over and he glared at Colin fiercely.

"What?" he barked. Colin adverted his eyes to the ground.

"Before I got together with Steph, I asked Rory to marry me."

"Why the hell would you do that?" Colin sighed.

"I did it about a week after your funeral. The guilt was killing me. I felt like… I felt like I had killed you, so I asked Rory to marry me in your place, because I took you away from her, it's stupid." Logan's face softened.

"It wasn't your fault, Colin." Colin shrugged.

"I know it wasn't completely, but it was a little bit. I knew you were in no state to make that jump Logan, but I let it happen. I felt like, in that moment, that you didn't need someone telling you what to do. I felt like, because of your crappy relationship, you needed to blow off steam. I know now that it was wrong. We could have lost you Logan. You could have died." Colin looked up briefly and Logan noticed that there were tears forming in his eyes. Logan felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. In all the years he had known Colin, in all the years of friendship, he had never seen him cry. Colin was always one to keep his feelings bottled up for no one to see, he didn't like to show vulnerability. For Colin to show these emotions to Logan, right now, was big.

"I wouldn't have listened to you," Logan said, making Colin look up at him in surprise.

"What?"

"I wouldn't have listened to you, if you had tried to stop me. I would have jumped anyway," Logan reasoned. Colin blinked.

"Yeah but-" Steph and Fin reentered the room, with Steph pulling Finn by the ear.

"We do not grope Nurses Finn!" she scolded. Colin turned away from them and quickly brushed the un-fallen tears from his eyes. He turned away from Logan and laughed at Finn, as if nothing had happened. Logan smiled as well, hoping that Colin believed him. There was no telling with him.

**Author's Note: Hey there… Give Herman some love, and remember: more reviews faster updates wink, wink. Review. **


	12. SelfMutilation

**Author's Note: I think there is something wrong with me... I keep writing the plans for the chapters and then I don't end up typing them! I think it's my horrible procrastination ways... Anyway, I probably would have updated much sooner, but my laptop that I usually type my stories on... broke, so I'm typing this at work... ooh, cool! ****  
****So, here is my chapter... enjoy it, because there are only three more after this one... That's right, I wrote the ending the other day! I'm so proud! ****  
****Italics mean someone on TV is speaking. ****  
****Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls... or else I would put a decapitated Christopher on the cover of the season 7 DVDs... if that happens, I still don't own Gilmore Girls. **

**Chapter 11 ****  
****Self-Mutilation**

Lorelai

"It's just ridiculous!" Luke cried, pacing back and forth in front of the television that Lorelai was trying to watch. Lorelai frowned as his figure passed in front of the screen again, making it impossible to watch the news.  
"Uh yeah, but so is trying to watch TV when you are in rant mode," Lorelai mumbled. Luke ignored her and continued to vent to her.

"I mean, he is just incredible, you know that?"

"Um yeah, totally Ab Fab sweetie darling," Lorelai whined, craning her neck so she could see around him. Luke stopped pacing, stood directly in front of the TV, and stretched his arms out wide.

"Are you even listening to me?" he barked in frustration. Lorelai pursed her lips and slumped down on her couch.  
"Yes," she mumbled, realizing she was not going to get Luke to stop, until he had completely gotten the situation off his mind. She muted the TV. Luke nodded and resumed his pacing methods.

"He comes into my diner," Luke paused to point to himself, "he takes my customers, and he leads them to his diner!'" Lorelai smiled slightly at the visual Luke was providing for her.

"Kirk has a diner?!" Lorelai squealed in delight. Luke shook his head vigorously.

"NO! He set up his mother's grill across the street over by the Gazebo, put out a few picnic benches, and put up a banner that said 'Kirk's Diner!'" Lorelai howled with laughter.

"You're kidding?" Luke shook his head.

"I'm completely serious!" Lorelai continued laughing. Luke frowned.

"It's not funny," he grumbled. Lorelai nodded, still beaming.

"Uh huh, so not funny." Luke sat down on the couch next to Lorelai, crossed his arms over his chest, and pouted. Lorelai stopped laughing, realizing this was really hurting him. "I'm sure Kirk's burgers are terrible," she said, comforting him. Luke smiled slightly.

"You think?" Lorelai nodded.

"I know." Luke sighed and slung his arm around Lorelai's neck.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome, we wouldn't want Kirk to take away your wonderful customers, now would we?" Lorelai said, joking with him. Luke gave her a look that said 'continue making fun of me and I'll stop serving you coffee.' "Oh," Lorelai said in surprise, "that's a mean look."

"Just remember that I'm the keeper of the coffee," Luke warned.

"Good to know," Lorelai said, turning back to the TV and un muting it. An icy feeling took over Lorelai's body as she glued her eyes to the television. Her mouth hung open as she stared at the boy with blonde hair casually walking down the stairs of a hospital. A boy she had thought to have died years ago. The moment was too surreal, Lorelai was sure she was imagining it. She said nothing and continued to stare at the screen.

_Logan Huntzberger, son of billionaire newspaper mogul Mitchum Huntzberger, was released from the hospital yesterday after being in a coma for three years. Logan was thought to be dead, but after waking up in a Seattle hospital, we know that now to not be true. _

Lorelai watching in horror as the 'ghost' was bombarded by reporters and a smug Mitchum swung his arm around his neck proudly. Lorelai's grip on the remote loosened and it clattered to the floor, turning off the TV.

"Oh my god," Luke said, after a moment of silence. Lorelai sprung up from the couch and dashed into the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Lorelai didn't answer, she just picked up her phone and dialed a number she knew by heart, but hadn't called for years. She had to dial several times before Rory picked up.

"Can't you see that I don't want to talk to you?" an angry voice barked into the phone. Lorelai ignored Rory's harsh tone and didn't skip a beat.

"Have you seen the news?" Lorelai asked quickly.

"How dare you call me," Rory hissed, "it's bad enough that you're not even coming to my wedding, but now you have to pester me? Lorelai shook her head, willing herself not to comment on the mistakes that her daughter had made.

"Turn on the news Rory!" Lorelai insisted, growing impatient with her daughter's stubbornness. Rory chuckled, sending unnerving goose bumps all over Lorelai's body.

"I'm not doing anything for you!" On the other end of the receiver, Lorelai heard Rory's doorbell ring. Rory sighed and her voice softened. "I have to go mom, there's someone at my door." Lorelai's heart raced.

"No wait! Turn on the TV, please!" But Lorelai's cries were in vain, Rory turned off the phone and with a faint 'beep' Lorelai was once again, disconnected from her daughter. She stayed on the line, until the dial tone rang in her ears. She put the receiver back on the docking station and turned to Luke who was standing in the entrance to the kitchen.

"How did she take it?" Luke asked, fumbling nervously with his hands. Lorelai shrugged.

"I didn't get to tell her."

"Oh."

"It's okay, she'll find out soon." Luke looked at her skeptically.

"Why do you say that?" Lorelai smiled weakly.

"Because Logan was at her door."

Rory

Rory pressed the end button on her cell phone and turned to the door, happy for a distraction. She couldn't believe her mother had the nerve to call her! The woman wasn't even coming to her wedding that was taking place in a few days! Curiosity had been the only reason she had picked up, and she wished she hadn't. For the only thing her once best friend had to say was 'turn on the TV.' Rory had no idea what kind of gag her mother was trying to pull, but she was not playing along with it. The person at the door starting knocking loudly, obviously growing impatient with her.

"I'm coming," she called, walking swiftly over to the door. She swung the door open and her heart stopped at the sight in front of her. The room spined and her heart flopped inside her chest. Surely she must be seeing things, this messy blonde haired boy could not be standing in front of her. Her therapist had warned her that these delusions could occur, but she hadn't actually believed that they would be this life like.

"Hey Ace," said the mirage, sheepishly. At the sound of his voice, Rory's knees buckled and she hit the floor.

Everything turned black.

Rory awoke to the feeling of her head throbbing in pain. She reached up to feel a cool, bulky item resting on her forehead. She wrinkled her eyebrows and slowly pried her eyes open. She surveyed her surroundings and realized that she was lying down on her couch. She tried to remember how she got here and why she was here, but she couldn't remember. All she could remember was that horrible dream she had just had, dream in which he stood in front of her in her doorway, uttering her old nickname that made her queasy whenever someone mentioned it. She slowly sat up and immediately regretted it. She laid back down and shut her eyes, willing the pain to go away.

"Hey Ace, you up?" A cheery, but haunting voice cried from above the couch. Rory's eyes shot open and she sat up quickly ignoring the pain. Her eyes grew wide as she saw the mirage for a second time. She stared at her hallucination, taking in his figure, his messy blonde hair, his arrogant smile, and his cheerful brown eyes. He hadn't changed at all. Rory did the only thing she could think of; she screamed. Her mirage immediately grew wide-eyed and he sat down on the couch next to her trying to make her calm down.

"Shh," he cried, "calm down, its okay!" Rory stopped screaming and clutched the cushions of her seat.

"My therapist said this would happen," she blurted out. Her mirage looked at her in amusement.

"He said what would happen?" Rory glared at the vision.

"He said I would start to see things." The vision smirked.

"Start to see what things?" Rory narrowed her eyes.

"I'm hallucinating," she informed her hallucination. Her vision laughed and the sound echoed throughout her ears.

"I'm not a hallucination," he informed her. Rory felt fear fill her body. She tried to inhale, but she couldn't. She couldn't breath. She tried desperately to get some air into her lungs, but she wasn't functioning. The vision's smile faded and a look of worry graced his perfectly handsome features. "Stay there, I'll be right back, you're hyperventilating!" The vision ran into the kitchen and she heard him riffling around, looking for something. She sat there, desperately trying to formulate a coherent thought. Minutes later, the mirage returned carrying a paper bag. She snatched it out of his hand and started breathing into it.

The mirage resumed his spot next to her as she violently gasped for air. He sat there quietly, waiting for her to finish, but the paper bag wasn't helping. He must have realized this, because he reached out and grabbed her hand. Rory's breathing slowed and the paper bag stopped going in and out. She stared at his hand that was holding her's and she could feel his body temperature radiating onto her hand. She wound her fingers around his palm and squeezed. She lowered the paper bag as tears filled up in her eyes, realizing that the vision was not a mirage or a hallucination; it was Logan. Her heart swelled as she looked up into his eyes and realized that the man she thought had left her three years ago, the man she thought she had driven to death, was sitting next to her, caring for her minor mental breakdown.

"Wha-" she stammered, "How-." He squeezed her hand tighter and her tears started flowing freely now. She lunged forward and engulfed him in a tight hug, not wanting to let him go. She melted into his body, his strong arms wrapped around her, holding her close. She felt his breath against her neck and she shivered. He tightened his grip on her and whispered in her ear.

"I'm here." She choked on her tears and he slowly let go of her. The lack of contact left her body tingling and she lunged forward, capturing his lips with her's. He frantically kissed her back, grabbing side of her face and wiping away her tears with his thumb. Rory smiled against his lips and sighed. The moments then began to rush together until they were both out of breath and they had to break apart. Rory leaned her forehead against Logan's and his hands did not leave her face. He traced small circles on her cheeks soothingly. Soon, the euphoria wore off and questions started filling Rory's mind.

"How are you here?" she asked, quietly. Logan laughed and kissed her lips softly.

Logan

"Coma," Logan explained, softly. Rory nodded stared at him with wide eyes. Logan smiled and kissed her forehead, eyelids, and then finally her lips again. He had only lived a few days without them, her kisses, but she had lived three years. It had torn him up not being near here the past couple of days, he wondered if it had done the same to her.

She looked exactly the same and Logan loved that. Everything around him had changed; it was good to have at least one stability.

Logan reached down to grab her hand quickly, but moved too fast. He felt a sharp pang on the side of his hand as it brushed Rory's. He looked down and noticed that he was bleeding slightly. Rory gasped and grabbed his hand to examine the cut. Logan's heart froze at what he assumed was the culprit for the cut.

On Rory's left ring finger was a large, princess cut, diamond ring that screamed engagement. He stared at it, unable to take his eyes off it. He felt his mouth go dry and his stomach lurch forward. This couldn't be happening.

"Oh, you're bleeding," she pointed out. Logan nodded. Rory gave him a quizzical look and followed his gaze to what he was staring at; she froze as well and noticeably tensed. "Does it hurt?" she asked quietly, avoiding the subject. Logan nodded again and swallowed hard, trying to find his voice again.

"Yes," he answered, his voice hoarse. Rory slowly retracted her hand and looked up at him, but he didn't move, he was still frozen. "Logan…"

"You're engaged," Logan said, not asked. Rory adverted her eyes to her hands.

"Yes…" Logan grimaced at the pulling sensation at his heart. He knew she was, but hearing her say it made it seem so… real. He remained seated, knowing that he logical reaction would have been to storm out of there and leave her alone forever. He had done enough damage here, he should just let them both move on, but he felt compelled to learn more. Apparently, he liked self-mutilation. He laughed, one that sent goose bumps all over his entire body.

"Doesn't matter," he insisted, plastering on a fake smile. Rory sighed.

"Logan… back when we were together… we knew this wasn't going to last forever…." Logan shook his head.

"I didn't know that," he argued, playing dumb. Rory sighed again, this time in frustration.

"Logan…"

"Do you love him?" he asked, regretting the question immediately. Rory furrowed her eyebrows.

"What difference does that make?" she snapped. Logan's heart flew.

"It makes all the difference! Rory, if you don't love him, don't marry him!" Rory groaned and buried her face in her hands. Logan sat forward and tilted her chin up so she would look at him. The look on her face broke his heart. She was confused, scared, and torn all at the same time. She shook her head and looked away from him.

"It isn't that simple," she mumbled. Logan frowned.

"But it is," he insisted. Rory stood up abruptly.

"No it's not! I'm getting married in a few days, I made a commitment to him! I just can't leave him!" Logan stood up after her and approached her. He put his hand on her shoulder, which she shrugged off quickly.

Another pang to the heart.

"Rory," he whispered, stepping closer to her. Rory glared at him with a stony expression. There were no more tears, no more uncertainty, only ice.

"I still haven't forgiven you," she said sternly. Logan crossed his arms over his chest.

"For what?" he asked.

"For the bridesmaids, for cheating on me; I can't just forget that." Logan's mouth hung open from both astonishment and anger. He couldn't believe that after all these years she would still use that against him. His first reaction came back to him and he crossed over to the door, left the apartment, and slammed the door on his way out. He was going to leave her forever… he'd done the damage… he was going to let them both move on.

**Author's Note: Don't hate me… but I would like reviews!!!!!!!!!! wink, wink **


	13. I Wanna Hold Your Hand

**Author's Note: Looks around to see if she has any readers left. Well…. I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW, THE RAIN IS GONE! Gah, do you know how great it is to rid yourself of writers block, especially when you've had this writer's block for months and months and months? It feels magical, that's what it feels like. This is the last chapter.**

**Sorry for any typos, my finger is broken, it's hard to type with two of them taped together. Oh, and check out my new story, "The Rush." I like it, so maybe you will, too. **

**Chapter 13**

**I Wanna Hold Your Hand**

Rory

She felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach as the door collided with the wooden frame. Just as quickly as he had appeared, he had vanished. Her knees buckled under her and she collapsed onto the floor. She leaned her head against the couch she was sitting in front of and closed her eyes. She let out a strangled breath that she didn't know she was holding and swallowed, hard. What had she just done? She had pushed away the boy, no, the _man_ that she had thought she had lost forever. All for another man who made her feel incomplete. This was a new, twisted way of punishing herself, but she knew it was the right thing. She couldn't risk hurting him again. She had already done enough damage, he was better off without her.

Her eyes shot open as she remembered the phone call she had received before the unexpected blast from her past. She crawled forward and retrieved the cell phone she had dropped in astonishment. She flipped it open, still kneeling on the ground, and dialed a number she hadn't called in a long time.

"Hello?" Lorelai said, frantically, obviously aware that her daughter was the one calling her. Rory inhaled sharply and felt the tears starting to well up in her eyes.

"Mom," Rory said in a low, desperate voice. Rory could practically feel her Mom melt on the other end and she let out a sob.

"Oh honey," Lorelai sighed, sympathy dripping from her words. Rory furiously wiped away her falling tears.

"He's back," Rory choked out.

"I know," Lorelai said, simply. Rory let out another sob and took a deep breath to recompose herself. She couldn't talk to her Mom in her current state. She needed to be strong; she needed to use the strength she had built up over the past three years. She felt more tears build up in her eyes and she realized that wasn't a plausible option. "Was he there?" Lorelai asked after a few moments of silence.

"Yes," Rory managed. She heard her Mother stop breathing on the other end and she realized that Lorelai intended for her to continue. "And then he left."

"Why?"

"I made him," she admitted. She bit her lip; awaiting the scolding her Mother was sure to give her. She didn't care, she wanted to be yelled at, she wanted someone to tell her what a horrible person she was and how she just messed everything up, but it never came.

"Oh," was all Lorelai could say, obviously choosing to tiptoe around her instead of voicing her actual opinions.

Rory cursed her Mother for learning to think before she spoke. She would not be getting the punishment she deserved. "Mom, please don't chose this moment in time to keep your opinions to yourself, please tell me that what I did was horrible, tell me something." She was begging she knew it.

Her mother sighed and Rory took that as a bad sign. "Rory, I can't tell you what to think here, this isn't my decision. You're a grown woman; you don't need me to tell you what is right." She waited for Rory's reply.

Rory sighed, "You're right, I'm a grown woman. I made a commitment to James and I'm going to stick to it." She smiled and wiped away the last of her tears, she was acting silly, and James needed her. But still, she couldn't help but feel like she had cold feet. "Mom?" she asked after a minute.

"Yeah, kid?"

"Will you come to the wedding… you know, to make sure I do the right thing?"

Her mom sighed, and Rory thought for a split second that she was going to say no. "Sure, kid, I'll be there, and I'll make sure you do the right thing. I'll even bring Luke and dress him up in a suite and everything, a feat I have yet to duplicate since our own wedding."

Rory smiled in relief. "Thanks, Mom, I'll see you soon." She hung up the phone and stared at herself in the mirror that was near by her. She was doing the right thing.

---

Rory frowned at that mirror that stood in front of her; she was doing the right thing, right? She wasn't supposed to feel like this, not on her wedding day, not while she was standing in a room in the church in her wedding gown. She turned to her side to examine her dress; she ran her hands down the silky, textured fabric across her stomach. This dress, which she had thought was perfect when she had picked it out, now felt wrong, she felt like it was compensating for something else that was missing with all its tool and ruffles. It was strapless and it hugged her curves until it got to her waist, then it fanned out like a ball gown. In it, she felt like Cinderella getting ready for the ball, she didn't feel like herself. Over the past few days—ever since Logan's surprise return—she had felt like her old self again. She'd started to read, which had confused her fiancée greatly. When he had walked in on her doing it, he'd said, 'You can read?'

That had annoyed her; everything about James had annoyed her lately. The way he hummed when he chewed his food, the way her snored in his sleep, the way he had this annoying nervous tick cough. She closed her eyes, trying to figure out why she was marrying James, but she could think of nothing. Instead, she thought of the first time she had held Logan's hand—when they were getting ready to jump of the scaffold at his Life and Death Brigade stunt. She remembered how warm it had felt compared to her own, and how it had sent shivers up her spine. She also thought about when she had grabbed his hand at her Grandparents' vowel renewal—when she had been trying to seduce him. She thought of their earlier dates when he would grab her hand and drag her when he was excited to show her something. She thought about how they had held hands when he had brought her in and out of his parents' house, or when she had made him steal that Yacht with her. Every time it had felt like a form of protection, a way of him telling her that he was there for her.

She realized that she wanted to be there for him, that she wanted to make him feel safe. This was wrong—marrying James. Suddenly, the room she was in felt smaller and she could only find one way out. She hiked up her dress a little bit so she would trip and rushed to the door. However, before she could open it, it opened for her. Her mom stood on the other side.

Lorelai

Lorelai smiled at her frantic looking daughter, who was obviously afraid that she was going to stop her. Lorelai stood aside and said, "Go." Rory smiled and rushed passed her, quickly finding the exit. Lorelai watched as she hailed a Cab in the busy New York traffic and got inside, while people passing by stared at her in confusion. Lorelai turned and walked back into the main room of the church. She sat down in her seat, which she had chosen earlier.

"Did you find the bathroom?" Luke whispered to her.

She looked at him in confusion, and then finally remembered that was why she originally left. "Oh, no." She shook her head.

Luke looked at her in bewilderment. "Well, you better go and, well, _go_ soon. Who knows how long these stupid society things last?" Luke grumbled, loosening his tie.

Lorelai smiled slyly, "I have a feeling this one won't last very long."

Luke gave her a puzzled look, "Huh?"

Lorelai shrugged, "I'm just glad I don't have to stand up at that objecting part, because that would have been _really_ embarrassing for you." She patted a still confused Luke on the arm.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Shush," she told him, bringing a finger to her lips, signaling for him to be quiet. With the same finger, she pointed to a woman in a headset up at the alter that was whispering something in to the groom's ear. "Look." James turned away in anger and kicked something nearby, hard.

Luke looked over at Lorelai in horror, "Rory is gone?" Lorelai nodded. "Aren't you going to go get her? You promised her that you'd make sure she did the right thing!"

Lorelai shook her head, "No, she did the right thing."

Luke stared at her like she was nuts, "I don't get it."

Lorelai took out a box of Junior Mints from her purse and opened it. "It's a mother-daughter thing," she said, simply.

Luke scoffed, "Yeah, a nutty mother-daughter thing." He spotted the Junior Mints. "What are you doing now?"

Lorelai shrugged, "I'm watching as everyone in the room has a fuss-fit when they figure out what has happened." She popped a piece of candy into her mouth. Luke looked at the crowd and noticed that they were becoming frantic. Lorelai offered the box of Junior Mints to Luke. "Want some?" Luke watched in amazement and dipped his hand into the box of candy, producing some for himself.

"Amazing," he said.

Rory

Rory held her breath as the cab pulled up to her final destination. The cabby looked back at her skeptically. "Are you sure this is where you want to get out?" he asked.

Rory nodded and pulled out a couple large bills for the man. She taped him on the shoulder and gave him the money. "Keep the change." He thanked her and she got out of the cab. He drove away leaving her in front of the black iron gates. She looked up at the top of the massive entrance and read the sign, 'Cedar Hill Cemetery.' She took a deep breath and pushed the gate, allowing herself to enter. It was a little bit foggy, but she could see the rows of tombstones clearly. She walked slowly to grave which she hadn't visited for years and never would have expected to visit again. From a distance, it looked exactly the same, except that there was now a blonde boy—man—sitting in front of it. She smiled, glad that she was able to figure out where he would be. She bunched up her dress in her hands and hiked it up again. The bottom of it was filthy from the dirt and the grime, but she didn't care. It wasn't the right dress anyway. She quietly sat down beside him and sighed loudly. Logan jumped, started by the sudden appearance of a bride next to him. When her face registered in his mind, his mouth fell down in horror. "What are you doing here?" he asked, incredulously.

She simply smiled at him. "I thought you might be here." She organized the layers and layers of fabric that was pouring over herself, and now, Logan. She tucked it so it was compact, and wasn't spilling everywhere. Logan continued to stare at her, like he was afraid that she would suddenly disappear. He was as still as a statue, and his eyes were hard, like he was going to yell at her. She slipped her hand over to his, which was lying in the dirt, and slid it over his. It warmed her entire body. She looked over at him and saw that his apprehension had melted away.

He looked in front of him at his tombstone and sighed, "I just had to see it, not many people get to see their grave." he said, his smile evident in his tone. Rory intertwined her fingers with his. The fog, which had seemed so far away in the distance only moments ago, was now closing in on them.

Suddenly she couldn't see anything but grey and it became very, very cold. She realized why, her hand was back in the dirt. Her heart froze, along with the rest of her body and she couldn't move. She couldn't think. "Logan!" she cried, moving her head around frantically, she could only see grey. "LOGAN!" Her cries echoed in the distance, but he was gone. The fog around his grave subsided and she could see it clearly. The tombstone said something new, "Logan Elias Huntzberger died of a broken heart and then it read today's date as the day of his death." Rory wanted to scream, but the fog was entering her lungs and was choking her. She couldn't do anything anymore, but read the granite.

---

Rory Gilmore woke up, suddenly, in the bed that she shared with Logan Huntzberger, with cold beads of sweat coating her forehead. Her heart was beating madly from the dream she had just had and she was breathing heavily. The room around her focused and she realized that everything had just been a dream. She calmed down until she saw Logan in the distance, packing a large duffle bag around the living room area.

He looked over at her briefly, and then looked away, resuming his work on zipping his duffle bag. He was wearing his tattered, grey, leather jacket, meaning that he was going out. He finished with the bag and slung it over his shoulder. "I guess I'm going." Rory didn't say anything, where was he going? "I'll be out of cell phone range for a couple of days." Rory froze as she realized that he was going to the Life and Death Brigade Stunt, the Life and Death Brigade stunt that had taken him away from her in her nightmares. He started walking towards the door. "I'll see you." Before she even knew what she was doing, she was out of her bed, and she had her arms wrapped around him.

He slowly wrapped his arms around her—obviously confused by her sudden burst of affection after weeks of cruelty—and she held on to him tighter. "Don't go," she whispered into his ear. She felt him nod, and he didn't go.

--End--

**Author's note: Jeez, that took forever to type. So, basically, the whole story was a dream. You might not like how it ended, but I thought it was a good way for Rory to figure out that she really loved Logan without having to do all that icky Jess stuff… ew… So, leave me a review and check out my new story, "The Rush." I like it.**

**:D **


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